262 - On Rewriting Your Story with Jessica Yañez

Jul 3

262 - On Rewriting Your Story with Jessica Yañez

Listeners, we're back this week with Jessica Yañez

Latina. Fierce. Fighter. A San Diego native with a laugh as big as her hair. These are just a few things we would use to describe our Founder and Host of The Wine & Chisme Podcast, Jessica Yañez. But that’s just the beginning. Jessica grew up in the suburbs of San Diego and has always had a curiosity for other people and their stories. As far back as she can remember, she would be the first to approach a new student at school, introduce herself, and want to know all about them. Not much has changed as her curiosity has lent itself well to learning more about the world around her. She specifically created The Wine & Chisme Podcast to amplify voices across communities of color and share their stories on career, love, life and more. All while sipping on a glass of wine. She launched the VERY FIRST directory of Latiné owned wine brands based in the United States and has since expanded into hosting virtual wine tastings that specifically focus on these vintner. She believes that people need to know that our community not only works the land, but owns the brands.

During this episode we talked about:

11:17 - Her 2nd gen experience
13:46 - Pride & self-imposed shame
20:17 - The gatekeeping of our community
25:30 - Her work
31:55 - Moving to a different state as a teen and living in different places
39:33 - Listening to her heart
43:42 - Launching the podcast
46:03 - Finding passion in her forties
55:53 - Healthy Boundaries

Hello everyone. This is Pam de Cafe con Pam, the bilingual podcast that features Latines, Latinx and people of the global majority who break barriers, change lives and make this world a better place. Welcome to episode 262 of Cafe con Pam. Today we have a conversation with Jessica Yañez.
Latina. Fierce. Fighter. A San Diego native with a laugh as big as her hair. These are just a few things we would use to describe our Founder and Host of The Wine & Chisme Podcast, Jessica Yañez. But that’s just the beginning. Jessica grew up in the suburbs of San Diego and has always had a curiosity for other people and their stories. As far back as she can remember, she would be the first to approach a new student at school, introduce herself, and want to know all about them. Not much has changed as her curiosity has lent itself well to learning more about the world around her. She specifically created The Wine & Chisme Podcast to amplify voices across communities of color and share their stories on career, love, life and more. All while sipping on a glass of wine. She launched the VERY FIRST directory of Latine-owned wine brands based in the United States and has since expanded into hosting virtual wine tastings that specifically focus on these vintner. She believes that people need to know that our community not only works the land, but owns the brands. I love that.
Listeners, today we have a conversation with Jessica who not only is a fellow podcaster, but also she's a good friend of mine. And we live actually very, very close to each other. And she, I think she mentions it on the show, how close we live to each other, but we don't see each other as much because I just travel a lot. Our conversation was super fun. We talked about a lot, about her upbringing in San Diego, how she moved to different places and how her life basically came full circle from her wanting to come back to this place that feels like home, that is home to her.
***
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***
I really hope you enjoy our conversation. Y sin más, bueno, aquí les dejo my talk with Jessica, or I also call her Jay.
***
Pam: Jay, welcome to Cafe con Pam.
Jay: Hi, about time, right?
Pam: How are you?
Jay: I'm good. I'm I just got back from vacation. So I feel like I'm trying to catch up at work and with the everything, but otherwise I'm good. I can't, I have no complaints.
Pam: Where'd you go?
Jay: I went to Portland to go see my oldest nephew graduate high school.
Pam: That's right. That's right. How was it?
Jay: It was rainy. It was so rainy. I think only one day it didn't rain, but it was really nice. We all flew up there. My sister and her family are the only ones who live up there. It was really nice to go. We all went and spent some family time and it was really fun. We had one night that we, we up to like five in the morning, singing and drinking and dancing. Yeah, girl.
Pam: That's fun.
Jay: It was so much fun, but I, I swear. I'm like still recovering from that.
[laughs]
Pam: Our bodies are not made for those long nights anymore.
Jay: No, they are not. I don't even remember the last time I stayed up till five AM.
Pam: Well, this is the last time.
Jay: Yeah, this might be the last time ever.
Pam: So, in good Cafe con Pam fashion, what is your heritage?
Jay: I am Mexican American, Latina, Chicana. My grandpa is from Jalisco and my grandma's family is from the Michoacán area. I'm second gen.
Pam: You are second gen.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: Yes, that's right. That's right. And where did you grow up?
Jay: I grew up in north county, San Diego. So I mean, I'm a San Diego girl, you know, I've been fortunate. I've lived in other places and everything, but no place like home for me. I love San Diego.
Pam: So for those who are not familiar with San Diego, San Diego is a big city, kind of like spread out. And when you say north county, San Diego, there is a divide and it's not like a, like a divide, like a war kind of divide. Like we don't like each other. It's just that people in north county kinda like stay north county, people in south San Diego, stay south. Like people have whatever they need in the respective sites of the city.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: And so one thing that you and I have talked about that often happens is that lots of things take place in south San Diego and not a lot of things take place in north San Diego and, or the other kind of like perspective would be that lots of offerings happen in the south part of San Diego, which is closer to the border. That's where downtown is. And when we look at north San Diego, it's like there.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: I wouldn't call it forgotten, but it's kind of like separated. What are your thoughts on that?
Jay: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's kind of forgotten, when people talk about San Diego people have this thing. I mean, I say I'm San Diegan, I grew up in San Diego. And then if people are oh, my gosh, you grew up in north county. That's not San Diego. That's, you know...
Pam: You heard that?
Jay: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I've seen it online. Like that's not San Diego. I can't believe people in Oceanside are like, they name these other cities in north county. That's not San Diego. Well, yes. When you're thinking of San Diego proper, which I do live in San Diego proper. Right. But when you're thinking of San Diego county as a collective and people don't know these little cities, you're from San Diego and you're proud to be from this region. It's a region. It's not just a city, right? Like you said, I mean you've had this conversation. And that's what sometimes frustrates me is because oftentimes when things happen, they forget about north county, and north county is a plethora of diversity and a lot of Latine people. And I grew up with a lot of people from like Filipino and Vietnamese and all of this in north county. And I think we forget just because it's not in central, like San Diego proper or immediately outside of that area. That doesn't mean that there's not a diverse community. It doesn't mean that there's not a wealth of things to do in those areas. You know? I think we have to remember that. I mean, I'm speaking as a proud north county girl, right. Although I do live in the city, but that's where I grew up and I'm like, yo, Hey, let's not forget about these people. They wanna be included too.
Pam: For sure. I mean, is it, what do you think happens? Is it that this is my perspective not having grown up in San Diego, just kinda like being a transplant in San Diego. Is it that south San Diego or "San Diego proper" is closer to the border? Is it that it takes about an hour to get to north county, you know, like what do you think it is?
Jay: It does not take an hour. First of all, it takes like 35 minutes. Cause I drive it and-- If you're going in traffic hours, of course, it's gonna take an hour.
Pam: I used to work in Mira Mesa from downtown, and that would take me like a solid 30.
Jay: Well, probably because you went in traffic hours.
Pam: I was in traffic hours. You're right. You're right. Fine.
Jay: So, I mean, I can get to Fallbrook in 45 minutes.
Pam: Okay. I mean, almost an hour, you know.
Jay: But that's like far, that's almost to my [inaudible].
Pam: It's not the typical 20 minute San Diego kind of like. Right, right, right.
Jay: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I never felt that growing up. But as I became an adult, I felt like younger people were very much territorial like that. And I just found it interesting. I was like, mm, no, sorry. And you're not even from here. No.
Pam: Right. Are you claiming it.
Jay: It's always these people that are like transplants that are like, you're not from San Diego and I'm like, you're not from San Diego.
Pam: Not either. For sure. What I see from someone who didn't grow up here is that the communities are pretty solid in their respective areas. And maybe like, LA is kind of like that. I guess that's, that's what happens in cities. I'm from Mexico city. So it's like, it's, it's a whole different thing. Anyway. So you grew up born and raised in San Diego, second gen. How is that for you to be a second generation?
Jay: I think. We did a lot of very traditional things within my family. Right? I guess traditionally Mexican things, I guess what you would call them or with every family has their own traditions. So let's say that. The thing that for me, that I've always felt disconnected from, unless now, as I've gotten older and I've really discovered who I am and what it means, being a Latina and what it means, like my responsibilities as a person of this world and, and all of these things. But I think when I was younger, it was always the struggle of most of my friends, their parents spoke Spanish. And most of my friends spoke Spanish and my parents both spoke Spanish. However, they being first gen would always get in trouble speaking Spanish at school. So they really kind of got it, like beat down into them that they don't speak Spanish. And when me and my sisters came along, they were very much like you're gonna speak English first and then they never would speak as much Spanish. It would be just be like [inaudible] la cocina, or, you know? Yeah. Like it's always cleaning stuff, everything, yeah, everything it was like cleaning everything, all that was in Spanish.
Pam: Ándale ya.
Jay: And then, yeah, my gran--. Yeah. But that was kind of it. So I picked up a lot of my Spanish from my friend's parents. Right. And my friends and the people I was around, but it was never perfect because when I was home, it was English first. It was English dominant. I think that's something that I would tell my mom and dad, why didn't you guys speak more to us in Spanish? And they would always go back to, because we didn't want you guys to struggle like we struggled and, you know, and have to go through the things that we did. But I, to this day I get like so irritated with them. I'm like, no, you should have spoken more to us in Spanish. Like we go to school in English, everything's in English. We should have been Spanish dominant at home. That was probably the thing that I always felt most disconnected from growing up. And then I always would, my friends would always go to Mexico for the summer and they're like, oh yeah, we're gonna go here. And I'm like, okay, like,I always wanted that. I wanted to be able to have family down there, which we did, but most of my family was now in the states. Right. And it was like extended family. And I was always so jealous. I'm not gonna lie. I was always so jealous of my friends that got to go to Mexico and stuff for the summer. And, and I always wished I had that connection to be able to do that. But my parents were still very proud of being Mexican. They're still very proud of who, of who they are and where they came from. And my family was always like that. So that was that pride of being Mexican was still always instilled in me. I was never ashamed. I was never, it was like self-imposed shame for not being able to speak Spanish, even at a very young age.
Pam: It's fascinating because seeing the experience everyone goes through in their own way and how ultimately there's some pain attached to it. Like in your case, Spanish wasn't spoken to you and you were like, oh, I'm yearning that, you know, and for me it's like, your English is a second language speaker. Like get it together and speak proper English, you know,so it's kinda like a flip flop type of experience, yet both are valid and, and every generation goes through those things. And yeah, like I've met multiple people that are second, third gen and they don't speak Spanish because their parents went through something that was kind of traumatic where they either got in trouble, got beat or, you know, like teachers, you know, when teachers had rulers and they would like.
Jay: Yeah, my dad went to a Catholic school. The nuns would hit them. Okay. That's why I hate that "no sabo" kid. I cannot stand that because first of all, sometimes I would get made fun of by my friends, like, oh, you're not really Mexican. You don't speak Spanish. And that would hurt me. I'm not gonna lie. That would hurt my feelings.
Pam: For sure.
Jay: Right. But then now having this "no sabo" kid, and obviously I'm older, so, but I see it, right. I see it. And that really pisses me off because I'm like, you don't know what somebody has gone through or why they don't speak the language, to impose something onto them. And there's obviously an insecurity about that person that they have to use that, right. That they have to put somebody down.
Pam: I mean, it's bullying, it's a form of bullying.
Jay: Absolutely.
Pam: Even if it's done with humor and like people trying to be funny, it's still bullying because if you see a video of somebody making fun of a "no sabo" kid, or like, I don't even, like, I've seen a couple of them and I'm like, but what, like, it doesn't make sense to me, but I guess it's like Spanish speakers making fun of English speakers and, or like.
Jay: Like not native Spanish speakers or their it's not their Spanish isn't perfect. You know, I even saw people making fun of, did you ever, did-- like the whole Johnny Depp trial? One of the lawyers is Latina, Camille Vasquez. And she went on one of the shows and she's speaking Spanish and her Spanish, she was a little bit slow, but she was getting her point across. I think she was also being thoughtful, trying to make sure she's saying things in the right way. And people were calling her a "no sabo" kid. And I was like, excuse me, you realize that this woman is crazy accomplished. She's 37 years old, just made partner at a huge law firm. And just was one of the like came out of this super high profile case. And you have the gall, the audacity to call her a "no sabo" kid. You should be so lucky to be able to see this woman and be like, there we have, you know, like this is a badass Latina. Let's use her as an example of what can be accomplished. Instead you're deciding to call her a "no sabo" kid. I hate that phrase. I will always hate that phrase and I'll always rally against it.
Pam: Yeah, no, I think it's one of those many ways of us oppressing us, because like, it hurts me nothing to hear you say a word wrong. I'm a native Spanish speaker. Right. And I, every time I post videos en español, like I get messages from people that are like, oh my gosh, do it again. I love listening to you. And I'm like, okay.
Jay: Okay.
Pam: Sure. And it doesn't hurt me anything to hear my friends. Like sometimes, you know, I can't think of a specific word, but like tortilla, for example, like I say, tortilla, some people say tortilla, like, like maybe the, the words are not as pronounced. It sounds the same right. Tortilla or tortilla.
Jay: I don't know. I don't know what you're-- [laughs]
Pam: So, this is the thing what's fascinating it's how your ears are trained. Because in English, for example, for me, vowels, make no sense. There's words that I'm like, it sounds the same. And David's like, no, it doesn't. And like, if I think of a word where I'm like, is it this or this? And people are like, oh, it's this. And I'm like, you're saying the same thing.
Jay: That's a California thing too. A lot of Californians say things the very same way. Like there's not a difference, but there's certain things that I say that my sisters would make fun of me for. Like when I say "sangwich",I say it with the g.
[laughs]
Jay: I've always said it that, you know, and there's certain things that definitely, when I say spoon, like I, you know, there's certain words that just come out with this accent. And I grew up, my sister would be like, oh my gosh, Jay, it doesn't have a G, it's sand-wich not sang-witch. So I could never win no matter what, I could never win.
Pam: I mean, that's the thing. And, and that's the thing that it's not a competition that we need to fight against for, I don't know, prepositions. So my point is I notice like people could be fluent in Spanish, but I, I can tell when they're not native speakers.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: Just because little tiny sounds, like little tiny sounds and it hurts me nothing. The point is like, I don't understand you less.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: For example, I have a good friend of mine who she's, I would say native speaker, like, I don't know. I mean, she grew up here and so many times, like, it's very subtle. So instead of saying "la escuela" she's like "el escuela" you know, and I'm like, it's la, but I'm not gonna correct you because I know what you mean. You know, like it doesn't hurt me.
Jay: No, I completely agree. It's the same thing in English. I understand what you're saying. That's fine.
Pam: I do appreciate though, if I say something wrong and people like friends of mine, they're like, oh, you meant this. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I meant. Like for example, I try to always like do idioms and things. And people are like, you just combined two things, like you said, two things in one thing, and it it's this one or this one. David's always like.
Jay: I think I've heard you do stuff like that and I'm like, yeah, I think I've been like, did you mean this? And you're like, yeah. Yeah,
Pam: That's what I meant.
Jay: I got you.
Pam: So there's always a way and you don't have to make fun of people.
Jay: No.
Pam: Because then we go back into whatever the system wants us to do, which is to put each other down and not grow.
Jay: I mean, the gate keeping of our community by our own community is unreal. Like, there are things that your family might do that mine may not do. Me and you, we have had these discussions in regards to like thein regards to me say like all the things that I do that are, you know, that people joke that are very typically Mexican and you're like, oh my gosh, you're so Mexican.
Pam: Like, why are you washing plastic bags, Jay? We live in the US. It's the frugal, the frugal in you. But it's very traditional.
Jay: Yes. The frugal in me is, yeah, very traditional. I can't help myself. It's just the way I was raised. Right. But does that make me better or less than anybody? No, that's just how I was raised. And that's just how many people, you know, within our community are raised and that's okay. And if you don't do it, that's okay too. You know, but like I said, the, just the gate keeping of our community by our community is really crazy. You know? I think if you understand where you come from, it's one thing if you like don't understand and you don't have any desire to understand, I think, What am I gonna tell you? But we may not be in the running in the same circles, right? At the same time the people I hang out with, not everybody are native Spanish speakers. A lot of the people I'm around are other Latinos and some speak Spanish. Some don't. Some still spend a lot of time in Mexico, some don't, or in South America or wherever, or in Puerto Rico, or, you know. But the thing is, is we accept each other for who we are and we learn from one another. We are all proud of our heritage and our history and where we come from and strive to do better. And that's really the key. And I'm not gonna tell you you're not Latina or Latino enough just because they don't speak Spanish or just because they don't wash their Tupperware and save their to-go Tupperware.
Pam: For sure. Yeah. To bring it back to the gate keeping, I mean, it goes like with all the deconstruction work that I've done, I think it ultimately goes back to generations and generations of trauma that's been passed on and things that have been taken and removed from our lineage and our people. And while that is a truth, and it's a fact that existed. I think we have arrived into a place where once healed -and you know, there's a lot of internal inner work that needs to happen- then, when you understand that there's room for everyone and everyone can thrive and succeed in their own way with their, like, half words in English, half words in Spanish, with Spanglish, with, you know, whatever it is, there's room for everyone to grow. And it's like so fun because then you get to share really cool things without clinging onto like the view that you have, you know? And so, the invitation to all the "no sabo" people is to take a step back and really ask yourself, why am I do this? What am I gaining from it? You know. Humor, like a couple of minutes of like laughter.
Jay: And not knowing the damage that you could potentially be causing somebody.
Pam: 100%. So stop bullying people on the internet. It's not cool. It's not funny either.
Jay: No, I see it and I, I have to swipe away when I see certain things or I just, I, I have realized how much my brain can't take that anymore. Right. Like things happen, whether it's social justice issues or whatever, and certain things, I'm like, okay, I have to force myself. I might have to force myself to watch this. And sometimes I'm like, I just can't, like I don't have the capacity to watch what's happening right now. And that's sometimes the hardest thing when you want to grow and when you want to do better and when you wanna put good out in the world, it's hard.
Pam: You're like, it hurts, though.
Jay: Oh yes. Oh my gosh, girl, I am like such a bleeding heart. Right? Like I see somebody and I wanna like, I wanna hug the world. I'm such a bleeding heart. And I think that I have to sometimes force myself to watch certain things. You know, I, you have to get uncomfortable in order to move forward. And man, sometimes those moments of uncomfortableness. Ooh, they're hard. They're really, really hard. But then when you do it and I may not ever watch something again, like there's been movies that I've seen that I'm like, I can never watch this movie again.
Pam: Once and done.
Jay: Yeah. Once and done, I processed, like I watched it I'm screaming or crying or like, I'm like, I get that emotionally, you know, like I end up getting all emotional and I watch certain things. And then I'm like, I can't go through that again. Like, I can't watch that, but then you have to think like, how can I use what I just heard and what I just saw to put something better back into the world.
Pam: Right.
Jay: Which I try.
Pam: Yeah. I mean, and sometimes, you know, for me, like what happened with in [inaudible] recently, I was hurting. Normally, what I've done is I show up and I'm like, okay, let's tap to just kinda like release. I, that's the way that I show up to support. I couldn't do it. And it's also given yourself permission to say, sometimes you can't show up because you can't show up.
Jay: Oh yeah. You have to give yourself grace in regards to those things. I think between the two things that I do, right. Between the podcasts that I do and between my day job working in local government, I feel like I'm working in that all the time. Right? Like I created the podcast to amplify voices across communities of color to tell stories, you know, people get to like I say, spill the cheese on themselves. Right. And do that. During the daytime, it's working on policy and working for people and working with what I do, which is Director of Communications for one of the local council members is like also have to translate things in a way that is easily consumable by people who may not have access or may not understand how to get access or not know how policy is made or how this is done or how this is done. And that's to younger people, people that come from communities of color that necessarily have never had access to these things. So I feel like I'm so privileged to now be in these positions where one, I can really share stories. I can share any story that I want. I can talk to anybody that I want and have those people on the podcast. And then on the other side, working in the trenches day to day to get these messages out to people and I get to share with my boss, like, I think we should do this. I think we need to put out a statement about this. I, I get to give my input in regards to what's communicated out into the city and well into the ether. The world,it, you know, really is what it ends up being, but really those being affected in San Diego.
Pam: For sure. Let's take a quick coffee break.
***
Pam: So, Jay, do you drink coffee?
Jay: I do. I try and pretend I'm fancy. I have a Nespresso machine.
Pam: Ooh!
Jay: So that's where I get my coffee.
Pam: And do you make it every morning?
Jay: For the most part, yes, I do. I have my little nespresso. I have my little Mexican coffee. My-- literally I got it when I was in Mexico. So I put that and I have my little cafecito and usually I do it while I'm doing my makeup. I'm getting ready and watching the news in the morning and having my coffee.
Pam: And how do you drink it?
Jay: I drink it with the Trader Joe's like they have this almond coconut creamer.
Pam: Mm-hmm.
Jay: And it's really good.
Pam: It is?
Jay: Mm-hmm.
Pam: No sugar?
Jay: No.
Pam: Nomás coffee and creamer.
Jay: Yeah. Just coffee and creamer. And I mean, if it's not, it's a vanilla flavor creamer. So I'm like, oh, that has enough already. It has enough flavor in it for me. But if I get like, just regular coffee, just half and half, then I'll put a little bit of sugar in it.
Pam: Mmm. So that one is the coconut makes it like a little sweeter.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: My typical, which people already hear me all the time, they're tired of this.
Jay: Your mushroom coffee.
Pam: My mushroom coffee. And it's plain.
Jay: Just black.
Pam: Is black. Just how it's meant to be.
Jay: Like your soul! [laughs]
Pam: Like my soul, like my soul. Yeah, no, I drink black coffee, but I wanted to give a shout out to Despierta Mexico, which is this tiny coffee shop in Tijuana. It's in Mercado Hidalgo. So I recently went because like this week specifically, my mom needed to run some errands. And the beauty of owning your own business is that I can be like, look, if I don't have any phone calls, I'll take you because I am have the privilege to be able to cross back with this Sentri card. And that allows me to literally make no line back in the border. And my car has the Sentri, which is cool. And so, I'm able to drive in drive back and it literally takes us, this time it was kind of interesting. It took us like 20 minutes. Normally it's like five minutes, but nonetheless, we didn't have to wait hours in the border. So we left around eight and we came back 10:30 and we did all kinds of errands cuz you know, she's like we got cars so I can put all my things in there. I don't have to carry them. Let's go. You know? So it's in the Mercado, and I had an Azteca chai.
Jay: I love chai. So that's very interesting.
Pam: I love chai, pero I, but I like, I, I put it on my stories. I became a Karina, Latino version of Karen.I dunno why, I didn't make up that name.
Jay: I thought, there should there like a, I saw a meme that said, uh, they were called Yolandas and that's my mom's name. And I was like, Hey, cause my mom totally is like that. She'll be the, and we're like, ay, ay, ay, en serio? Like, chill out, dude.
Pam: Maybe I became a Yolanda. I dunno. But it was really nice. So what happened is that I got this Azteca chai and it's a traditional spice chai plus they add Mexican chocolate. Yo creo que es como Ibarra o Abuelita, I don't know one of those. So then I ordered it. I had already had my coffee in the morning. Y me dice, the woman, she's like, do you want coffee added to it? And I'm like, no, así nomás, you know, just give it to me how, how it's supposed to be. And then I take it and I thought I was drinking like, look, I drink black coffee. And so when I got this thing, I thought I was literally drinking syrup. It was so sweet. And so.
Jay: You're like coffee, coffee, espresso, espresso.
Pam: Yeah. So I went back and I was like, look, it's super sweet. And I can't, I can't like take it. So can I buy a cup of coffee and we will add it to it. And she's like, yeah, of course. And you know, I did it in whatever. And then it was, it was fine. Shout out to Despierta Mexico en Mercado Hidalgo en Tijuana, tiny coffee shop. It's great. If you get a chai with Azteca, add coffee.
Jay: Um, that did not make you a Yolanda or Karina at all. What? Like--
Pam: I know, I know it didn't, I didn't make a big deal.
Jay: I know, if you were gonna be like throwing it at her, I can't believe this!!! Qué es esto? [laughs]
Pam: No, I just went and I told I'm like, this is too, super sweet. I can't deal. My tongue is gonna fall and I'm gonna get like diabetes or something like it's too much.
Jay: One sip. I need, I need insulin now.
Pam: I know. I know. So extra. So anyway, shout out to them. Let's go back to the show.
***
Pam: Okay, Jay. So we have gone through several tangents and it's, you know, the usual conversations between us. So let's get back to your story. So you grew up in San Diego. Did you always live in San Diego? Did you move, where else have you lived? You're back now, but.
Jay: Yes. So, two weeks before my junior year of high school started, we moved to Albuquerque New Mexico. The company that my dad had worked for had sold and the new owner didn't know that business. And so my dad was like already looking at the writing on the wall. He's like, this is not gonna last. He doesn't know what he's doing. And so he started looking for other jobs and he was offered a job like across the country in Virginia Beach. Thank goodness he did not take that. But then he was offered another job. Like he was offered another job that was more in LA, but the pay was not nearly as much. And then he was offered like a promotion in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And so he took that. So two weeks before my junior started. Now, mind you, I was a cheerleader. I was in student government, like I was popular, you know, I played softball. I was, you know.
Pam: Involved.
Jay: Involved. That was the [inaudible] involved. And then to go from, from that to not knowing anybody in a state you've never even visited, it was really rough. It was really hard. We lived there for not quite two years, because a week after I graduated high school, we moved back to San Diego.
Pam: Oh my gosh.
Jay: And I had begged my parents, please. Like I had friends whose parents said I could stay with them. And, but my mom was like, no, we're a family. We moved together as a family and no, and, and then when we moved back, I was so mad. I mean, I was happy, but I was so mad cuz I didn't get to graduate with my friends. I graduated in Albuquerque where I think maybe to this day I talk and not even talk, but like on Facebook friends with maybe two or three people, like I don't have a connection there. Right. Yeah, we moved back and then we were here for a few years and my parents moved up to orange county from San Diego. I moved up a year later and then like less than a year later, I moved to Dallas. I was working for AT&T at the time. And I moved and I was there for two years. That's when 9/11 happened. Um, me and my best friends, we were roommates in Dallas. And then I knew I wanted to go home. And so when my lease ended, I came home. Well, I was in Orange County cuz that's where my parents lived. And then I was having like sticker shock of how much it was to live here again, after being in Dallas. And then I moved to Arizona, just outside of Phoenix, Arizona, for about a year. And I just didn't like it. I was just like, I'm not doing anything here. I was just being hoochie and [laughs] just not being productive.
Pam: Having fun, having fun.
Jay: Just having fun. I was having a lot of fun [laughs] And then I moved back to Dallas. And so I was there until 2017.
Pam: Why did you move back to Dallas in San Diego? Because of cost of living?
Jay: The cost of living, yeah. And I was like, I have a life in Dallas. I have friends in Dallas. I didn't wanna move to Orange County. I never really considered Orange County home. Like I was living with my parents when I lived in Orange County. I wasn't home. Like to me, I moved out of San Diego when I was 18 or 19, but it's always been home to me. This is where I grew up. This is like where all my friends are. This is, and so when I lived with my parents in between moving places, my mom would call me the gypsy of the family. She, I don't know where she's gonna move next. You know, like who knows. And then, so when I moved back to Dallas, it was cost of living. It was having friends there. And I think for a long time, I thought that I was gonna be in Dallas. And I think I kind of forced it. Nothing ever fit at the same time. Like my personal life would be good, but my professional life would be trash. My professional life would be great, but my personal life would be trash. Like nothing ever was aligned in my life while I lived in, now I look back at that, right. And I'm like, there's a reason for all of that. I grew up in California, but I became an adult while I lived in Dallas. I really learned how to take care of myself. I learned who I was. I like had all of these different experiences while I was in Dallas and as great as it was and as much as I have some wonderful friends there that I, I love to visit, it just was never home. And I think at some point I realized that like I had, got laid off of a job and I was trying to decide what I wanted to do. And when I came home for my, my, tía Maggie's like 90th, I think it was our 90th birthday party and all my family was there. That was the moment I came back and I was like, this is where I need to go home. Like, it's time. I lived in Dallas for 15 years. So it wasn't like a drop in the bucket. I was there for a significant amount of time and I moved back in 2017 and I lived in Orange County. I was living with my parents for a little bit, again, I was doing contract work and then I was working at a nonprofit. It just wasn't a good fit. And when they, they literally brought me in, they're like, it's not a good fit. And I was like, you know what? You're right. It's not, it was like such a relief. A week later, I was offered this job in San Diego and it was only supposed to be for a week. I was even considering moving back to Dallas. Because I was like, I'm, I'm just doing contract work. I wanna do like, it was, you know, I was getting really in my head, I was getting really frustrated and that job turned out to be a job that I was at for two years. And what really brought me back.
Pam: That's right. And then the pandemic happened.
Jay: Yeah. And the pandemic happened and that's really what brought me back to San Diego. Cuz even when I was in Orange County, I was doing stuff here. That's how we met. Right. Like, I was still living in Orange County when we met cuz I was like, no, I'm gonna be back here. I knew I'm gonna be back in San Diego. So when I moved back to San Diego, nobody was surprised. Like nobody I know, and even my mom was like, yeah, mija, you're supposed to be in San Diego. Like I've never seen you happier.
Pam: That's awesome. Why do you think you were forcing, trying to stay in Dallas?
Jay: Well, part of it was a guy,like part of it was a guy. I met somebody and fell in love and I, it was always like more one way. It was always more me. And he would give me just enough to wanna stay.
Pam: The tease.
Jay: Yeah. Oh yeah. It was like total tease. You know, and I had friends there and I knew it was, I guess life was easy while I was in Dallas. I mean, not always easy. Like I've had a lot of rough times. There's been times where I'm like, how am I gonna pay my rent? How am I gonna pay? And things always came through, like always, but I think, you know, when you're just become comfortable and complacent with how life is going. And I think I was at that point where I could continue in that complacency, or I could take a leap of faith cuz moving when you're, like I had not lived in California several years. And when you're younger, I think you're way more brave. Right? Like I moved, I had never visited Dallas. I moved when I was two, like three weeks before my 22nd birthday, I just took a leap of faith and I just left and whatever. And you establish your life and you get older. There's fear that creeps in, in these ways that you never, I think, think about when you're younger, you're just like, yeah, let's do it. Oh, it's okay if it doesn't work out, what happens? Oh. You know? And then when you start establishing roots and when you start doing things, you're like you start thinking of all of the dominoes that could potentially fall if you take one out, or if you change something. And I think we, you get in your head or at least me, I just would get in my head. And I think I finally got to the point where I came at a, you know, fork in the road and I was like, okay, I can either stay in Dallas and things will continue to go as they are. I loved where I lived, you know, I was seeing somebody at the time and I had to tell 'em Guess what? I decided to move. Like all of these things, but I went with my heart and my heart was bringing me back to California. And I'm so glad it did because moving that first year, we lost several people in my family. And I was here like to be here for my family. I was here for my parents and seeing like my elders pass away, like my tías and tíos and everything. And being able to spend time with them, I wouldn't have otherwise spent with them, was awesome. It was great to be able to spend these, you know, this time with them. And Dallas will forever have a place in my heart, but again, it's not home. And even Orange County wasn't home. And literally when I found the place that I'm at now, I knew, you know, when you like the movie Waiting to Exhale, you can finally exhale. That's kind of how I felt like I'm here, I'm home. Oh my gosh. And this weight was instantly lifted that I didn't even know I had, but there was just this instant, like lightness when I moved back to San Diego that I'll never forget. And that I've had since.
Pam: Which is so cool, because when you moved to San Diego, it's not like you had a, a whole gig lined up of like a job or anything. It was like, I'm moving to San Diego. Cause I wanna live in San Diego and whatever happens well, I wanna celebrate that for you because I know you personally, and I know that you've also gone through the very non-traditional paths of living, you know, like maybe not going to college immediately, maybe like doing different types of work industries and not having the one path. And I think that's really admirable because the world tells us all the time that we need to do one thing and do it well. And I disagree. And you're a great example of not doing that.
Jay: Yeah. I mean, I completely disagree with that as well because you're right. I didn't go to college right away. I mean, I, I intended to, but we moved away from California and we lost residency and I had to work when I came back and then I went to community college and there was circumstances that were beyond my control in regards to financing that I couldn't continue. And so I did all of these things. And then when I went to Dallas, all of these things happened. I finally was able to go back to school. I graduated college at 37, almost 20 years to the day that I graduated high school, I graduated college. I look back at that time and I'm like, how did I do it? I was working full time and going to school full time. And I, it was a commuter school. So it wasn't even super close. It was at least 30 minutes away to an hour and a half away, depending on traffic, it was probably like 40 minutes away actually. And I was going there five days a week and I look back, I'm like, oh my gosh, how did I have that energy? But when you want something bad enough, right, you figure it out and you make it work. I knew I could continue to work without the degree, but for me, that's something I wanted for me. I did not go to school for anybody else. And I just wanna make that clear because so oftentimes we do things for other people, right. But I'm in my third, at that point, I'm in my thirties. I don't need to do anything for anybody, but I knew I wanted to do it for myself. And I knew once I got that, like, no, it was something that nobody could take away from me. And I did it. And now I will say I don't ever plan on going back to school ever again.
Pam: Been there, done that, we're done.
Jay: We're done. [laughs] But I have gone through, I mean, luckily most of everything I've done has been in within the same public relations, marketing type of thing. Communications. It's been within the communications round, but they've been in such different things. I've worked in sports. I've worked in nonprofit, I've worked for agencies doing special projects. I've now I work in pol- in government and politics. And like, I would've never thought that ever, but I just think of all of the things that I've done that have led me to this point and even launching the podcast right before the pandemic, literally two weeks, two, three weeks before the pandemic.
Pam: Oh my gosh.
Jay: Yeah, I know, it was so crazy. Like the launch party was February 20th.
Pam: That's right!
Jay: And then like three weeks later, we are on lockdown.
Pam: We're in shut down.
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: Wow!
Jay: Isn't that crazy. Like I had no idea, but you know, even doing that, even doing the podcast, I've always been somebody who's been very extroverted, very verbose, you know, all of these things, but with the podcast I knew I didn't want it to be about me, and me and you have talked about this. It's like, we're the facilitators to let people share their stories. And it's our job to be able to ask the questions for people, to be able to answer them. Right. And to be able to share what they wanna share. And during that time, and continues to be right, 120 some odd episodes later, I'm continuing to do that. And I found a passion within that of not only I've-- I know I've always loved people's stories and hearing people like I was that kid, Hi, I'm Jessica, how are you? Tell me all about you. Right? Like, always. I'm pretty much doing the same thing, except now I get to drink, I drink wine and-- [laughs]
Pam: And record it.
Jay: And record it. That's, yeah. But then I found this other passion for not just wine, cuz I've definitely, always loved wine, but this in a different, now I get to experience it in a different way. But then also really finding these Latine-own wine brands and highlighting those. I never thought that. And just one day I was like, why isn't there a directory, what's going on? How come I can't find these? How come I have to search so hard for all of these? People shouldn't have to do that. If we wanna support, you know, black and brown businesses and we wanna support our community. Why don't we have easy access to these things.
Pam: Why do we have to dig for them?
Jay: So what did I do? I was like, okay, well nobody's gonna do it, I'll do it.
Pam: Yes.
Jay: And so, you know, I created the very first and as far as I know the only directory of Latin-owned wine brands based in the US, cause people were starting to think like Valle de Guadalupe or Argentina or Chile, I'm like, no, no, no, no. These are based in the US because first of all, you don't have to pay international shipping charges. Right? But we need to support our communities here too. It was just this passion that I found that I didn't realize. And being in your forties and finding like I was like for the first time in my life doing the podcast and, and then highlighting these vintners and everything, I was like, oh my gosh. I think like, I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And I was in my forties doing it. And who says we have to be in, like, I don't think you need to find what you're gonna supposed to do for the rest of your life in your twenties.
Pam: I agree. I think twenties and even maybe half of your thirties is to play.
Jay: I completely agree. I was telling somebody that the other, and I was like, you are learning who you are at your twenties. You get to make these mistakes.
Pam: Right. You don't know what you don't like.
Jay: No, you, you have no idea. And so just the fact that we put so much pressure in regards to marriage, in regards to career, in regards to money, to people in their twenties I think is crazy.
Pam: Yeah. It's like why? I remember when I was in college, people were getting married in their 20, like 20, 21.
Jay: My sister was 20 when she got married.
Pam: At 20?
Jay: Yes.
Pam: And then I was engaged at 21 and. I came to my sense, thankfully. And I was like, I don't even know what being engaged is. Like somebody gifted me a ring. And I said, yes, but what does that really mean? You know. It was a lot of, especially in the Midwest because I was in Midwest when this happened. And there was a lot of like everyone, you know, like the white picket fence with the marriage and the kids and whatever, it's like the ultimate goal. And I never grew up with that. And so it was kind of interesting, you know, to see with like, that's what you wanna be in life. Like, nothing wrong with that. And I don't know if those who got married super early, got time to play and really explore and see like, I mean, to each their own, right? Like there's people that are like, look my best friend, for example, she got married at, I think she was 21 and she wouldn't change her life for anything. She loves it. Great. And there's choices.
Jay: Yeah. Our lives are designed differently for reasons. Right. I completely agree with that. I wasn't meant to be a mom, but I was meant to be like a badass tía. And it's not even just to my blood nieces and nephews. Right. It's my friends' kids and everything that I get to spoil and I get to hang out with and I get to be like, cool tía Jay or fun tía Jay, and I'm totally okay with that. It's not that I never wanted to have kids. Right. I'm gonna be 45, like chances are, that's not happening. And you know, my partner doesn't want more kids. He has kids and he doesn't want anymore. And I'm okay with that. But we still get to design our life. Right. And what that is. It's not too late in your 40s, I mean, look, I didn't even find my, which is crazy, cuz you know, you think, oh, I'm gonna find this person as you get older you're like, oh my gosh, am I just gonna be alone forever? Okay.
Pam: This person arriving.
Jay: Yeah. And I was always happy with my life. So it was never like, oh, I'm so unhappy. I would be like, oh, I don't wanna go do this. I wish I had somebody to go do that for me. Like that, those types of things. But I didn't know I was gonna, you know, and then when I met, you know, my partner, I was like, oh my gosh, I am 44 years old before I met him. And for the first time when people would say, oh, when you know, you know, and I'd be like, I don't understand when you know, you know, what do you mean? And then I meet this dude and I'm like, ah, hell [laughs]
Pam: That's what everyone was talking about.
Jay: That's when everybody was talking, I mean, yeah.
Pam: Yeah. And I will say though, I think it's important, something that you mentioned to highlight, that you were fully content and happy with who you were in your life. And I think that's the power of loving who you are and you know, like going out to play and, you know, exploring, I think, because you, at your core were perfectly fine with who you were and with being yourself and by yourself there wasn't this like, oh, I wish somebody arrived. It was like, when somebody arrives, you know, and then somebody arrived and you were like, oh, that's what everyone meant. Fine.
Jay: Oh my gosh, somebody arrived. And I did everything that I could to push him away.
Pam: Yes.
Jay: For like, remember?
Pam: Yes. Yes I do. Yes.
Jay: Everything was like, is this a red flag? Is this a red flag? I don't know. Mm. I don't know if I like that. Like everything. And I will say the mark of a real man. He was literally like, I'm not gonna let you push me away that easily. He was very calm when I would get like, oh no, like really trying to push him away. He's like, look, I know you're trying to push me away. I can feel it, but I'm not going anywhere. And I'm, I'm not gonna be that easy to get rid of. And he is like, and if we're gonna have an argument, let's have an argument. But let's time out at a certain point. Like literally he was putting rules about arguing. Like let's have a time out at a certain point, so we can cool down and walk away. And if we need to talk about it more, we'll talk about it more. And I was just like, who are you? What in the world? But I think a lot of that had to do with also me doing a lot of work on myself. And that's what the pandemic brought for me. That's what lockdown brought for me is I always felt like I knew about myself, but I never sat comfortably with myself. Because I am so extroverted I get lost in people and I get my energy from people. So when I'm alone, I tend to like, the thoughts come and you get all, I get all in my feels and I start thinking crazy. And so I would get lost in people and get my energy from people. And you know, those year and a half forced me to sit down with myself. It forced me to be comfortable with my myself by myself and not get lost in those thoughts and not like, okay, if those started happening, how do I center myself and bring that back? So I'm not going crazy. What can I do, go for a walk or do this, or what, whatever I needed to do breathe, tap. You taught me how to tap. Right. And that was for a different reason even, but just doing these exercises and figuring out like, why am I so uncomfortable sitting with myself? Why do I always feel like I need to get lost in people? And doing that work and then allowed me to be in a place where, when somebody came. I was like, even as much as I tried to fight it and you wouldn't let me, and then now being with somebody that I really love and it was completely unexpected.
Pam: And I think you were able to experience true companionship because you learned to be with you. It was like, okay, now I can be with somebody without kind of like getting my energy from them. You know, it's a different kind of companionship, which is so powerful.
Jay: Oh my gosh.
Pam: And I'm glad he didn't let you push him away.
Jay: Yes. And there's been times where we've gotten in an argument and when I would normally kind of add fuel to the fire, so to speak, or get like really combative, I would say that's the word where I would normally get very combative where I'm have completely been okay. I'm, we're not gonna talk about this anymore. I'm not gonna get upset, where I've really calmed myself down and not allowed myself to get into a place to be combative and allowed, you know, whatever argument to escalate. And it's been really nice to feel that growth in myself. Because even 10 years ago that wouldn't have been me. I would've tried, but I would have probably continue to push buttons on purpose.
Pam: For sure. And I think part of the work that you talk about allows us to step into that wise self instead of coming from ego, which the ego wants to protect and wants to defend and wants to be right. You know, and before you do a lot of the internal work that allows you to kinda like uncover the protection that ego brings, then you're able to come in from a place of wisdom, from a place of courage, from a place of love to say, this is done. And we don't need to keep adding to it because it's not getting resolved anyway. So let's move on, you know.
Jay: And when you do that, it's amazing. Not that we don't ever disagree, but man, I don't think I've ever first -it's been a long time since I've been in our relationship- but the last relationship I was in, I felt like we were constantly arguing. I don't feel that anymore. I don't even feel that need, I'm constantly laughing and I'm constantly like at peace, which is nice.
Pam: So tell me all the things, where can we find you?
Jay: So the podcast is called The Wine and Chisme Podcast. It's a podcast created to amplify voices across communities of color. And we talk about, oh my gosh, so many things, you were a guest, you were two parter cuz we, you know, we're all chismosas over here. And uh, literally from like there's authors talking about their books, there's sex, there's talking about masculinity, like toxic masculinity. I like to at least highlight one vintner a month. So called Vintner Voices, which is one of the ones that just passed so we get to hear these owners talk about their journey into their wine brand and, and what got them started. And that is on pretty much every podcast platform, it's on Apple Podcast, Spotify, iHeartRadio, radio.com. Like all of those it's on. And then my Instagram and TikTok are @thewineandchisme.
Pam: Yay.
Jay: Yay. And I've noticed I've been talking more politics on my TikTok.
Pam: Which I think like listeners, I've known, obviously you've heard, I've known Jay for a minute, which is wild, because...
Jay: Cuz Pam doesn't like anybody.
Pam: I don't like anybody I do like I like everybody.
Jay: No, let me rephrase. Not that Pam doesn't like anybody. She likes a lot of people. She's a very friendly person. However, she's very picky in who she lets in her circle, as you should be.
Pam: I think everyone should be picky.
Jay: Yeah, I agree.
Pam: I mean, we can do a whole episode about boundaries and that's a whole other rabbit hole that we could go into because there's also the element of healthy boundaries and harmful boundaries, right? Because especially when it comes to people of the global majority, we come from polychronic cultures. So chronemics is this study of time and communication. And so polychromic cultures are the ones that value time and relationships. And so we come from polychronic cultures, which means that we love being in relationships. And this is not just romantic, but like any kind of relationship. This is why our fiestas are like, you know, you stay until 5:00 AM in the morning,drinking and dancing and singing and doing all other things because that's how we value our time, is through community and comradery and collaboration and all the things. And so I don't wanna get too deep into it, but listeners, let me know if you want me to talk more about it. Monochromes, monochronic cultures are those who value time and time. And so monochronic cultures could potentially push the unhealthy boundary that doesn't work for us because monochromes could be like, if I don't wanna talk to you, I'm just not gonna talk to you. And it's not a big deal. Whereas we suffer a little bit more because we're like, no, pero pobrecito, like, uy, no, I don't wanna do, you know? And so I it's, it's a cultural thing. And I mean, it's, it's internal work that needs to happen in order for us to discern what is a healthy boundary and what is one that will ultimately like hurt us. Pero no, I do love people. I just have boundaries.
Jay: And I appreciate that. And I've actually learned a lot from you in regards to that. And some other friends in regards to that, because I think sometimes I was too agreeable on things. Like, I'd just be like, oh yeah, sure. No problem. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, no problem. And now...
Pam: You're like, no.
Jay: I'm just like, I'm tired. [laughs]
Pam: Yes. Yes.
Jay: And I ask people and I find myself when certain things are happening and I need to maybe unload or whatever, I have noticed now that I ask people, like, do you have space? Like, do you have space for this? If not it's okay. Like, but I think that something that we don't do enough. And we just start doing our verbal vomit to somebody and they may not be emotionally prepared for what we're trying to tell them. And I think it's just, it should just be a very like part of what we do when we need to unload is say, hey, I need to talk about this. Do you have space? And if somebody says, yes, then, you know, you can share that. But if they say, no, we need to respect the boundary that they're having, but we need to make sure that we offer that. Because some people, if we just go into it, they may not be prepared. And then you become that friend who's always like bitching. Right. I, I don't wanna answer the phone cuz they're gonna be blah, blah, blah.
Pam: Cause what is she gonna say now?
Jay: Yeah. So, and I've known that I've done that like, oh, I don't have that energy. Like I don't know what they were gonna say, but I know I don't have the energy, so I just don't answer the phone.
Pam: For sure. And I think there's many sides to a coin actually. Have you heard of the Reed-- um, ridges?
Jay: No.
Pam: So I heard this analogy and I shared it in a different podcast about the coins that have the ridges on the outside of them. And so no, you know, the expression of there's two sides to every coin. Yeah. There's actually many sides to a coin because with the Reed ridges, so this dude something Reed when coins were made of gold and like precious metals or whatever, then people started shaving the coins and therefore the coin would lose value. So what they started doing is to prevent that they started doing the ridges into the outside of the coin. So you could tell if it had been shaved or not. So now in the United States, we use quarters and dimes and those have the ridges, pennies don't nickels don't, but the traditional, like the quarter and the dime do. And so the analogy was like, well, we think that there's two sides to a coin. There's actually many sides because if we look at each one of the ridges, there are three dimensional. So they also have like, technically a couple of sides, you know?
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: And so there's so many different perspectives. My point, I guess, was that there's so many different perspectives to a situation. I mean, culturally speaking it's one way, chronemic speaking, you know, how we value time. It's a different way. And so having a policy, I mean, policy sounds too official, but maybe a, a guidelinethat you ask for capacity 100% from the other people. Is there, do you have capacity to receive something? If not, it's kinda heavy and if not, it's totally fine. The receiver to setting that boundary or opening it up if they want to. And also the expectation for both, because I approach life from zero expectations and I've learned this from my partner, because approaching things from no expectations, it, it just saves so much disappointment.
Jay: It really does.
Pam: So sometimes I do ask friends, do you have capacity to receive this? If they don't answer, or sometimes I text people and they don't answer. And I, it doesn't hurt me. Like I didn't expect them to actually respond because like they might be going through something, you know, I think it just saves a lot of disappointment.
Jay: Completely agree.
Pam: So do you think based on all of the things that you've done in your lifetime, being back in San Diego, doing what you do, has it all come full circle?
Jay: I think the circle is still forming. I don't think it's fully come full. I think, uh, it pretty close has, but I still think that there's space to fill that circle and how that's gonna happen? I don't know. I, you know, I think all I can do is be the best version of me that I can be, put the best energy out there into the world and do the best that I can and believe that the things that are coming to me, they should be coming to me. And that's been hard too, in regards to just acknowledging the work that I've done and acknowledging that I deserve the good things that are coming my way. Because I think we often like kind of underplay it or, oh, no, no, no. Oh, this, that. But you know, I've worked really hard. I've worked very, very hard to get to where I am and I'm making the most money that I ever have in my life. And for some people that has only taken them 10 years in their career to get to where I am at. Some people it takes 40 years to get where I'm at. I'm where I need to be based on what God and the universe plans that have been laid out. Right. And how I respond to those things. So there's plenty of life to live and there's plenty of circle still left to be filled. And, uh, I'm excited to see like what that's gonna be. Cuz I have no idea.
Pam: I'm excited to see. What's next for you?
Jay: Podcast wise I'm just continuing to move forward and, and interview people. And I will just encourage people. My thing is, I always feel like people think that they don't have a story, right? And a story does not have to come from an entrepreneur. It doesn't have to come from a famous person. It doesn't have to come from a social media influencer. We all have stories and we all can inspire people. And so if people have stories to tell and they don't know how, like, that's why we're here, right. That's why we're here. And, you know, I encourage them to go to the website. There's a guest form on there, and then I'm working to make the wine directory just even better. We have little less than 90 wineries I think on there that are based in the US that are owned by the Latine community.
Pam: That's awesome. That's a solid number.
Jay: Yeah. There's 11,000 wineries in the US, but less than 100 are owned by our community.
Pam: Wow.
Jay: However, 92% of agricultural workers come from our community. So it's a huge disparity there. So that's why I think I've been so passionate about pushing these wineries and letting people know they're out there. Because we not only, you know, work the land, we own the brands and there's going to be more. And we, you know, we need to support our black and brown brothers and sisters in regards to what is happening and what they're doing and getting money into our communities. And the only way we can do that is if we let people know what's happening and that's my way of doing that.
Pam: Yes. Would you open up your own winery one day?
Jay: Oh, Lordy. I don't know. I don't know.
Pam: Go for the big dream. Why not?
Jay: Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Oh, I've had a couple people like say to work with them to have my own brand of wine, so that might happen. And then my partner, he is like a big whiskey expert. So we're thinking of doing a whiskey and wine event.
Pam: Ooh!
Jay: Keep your eye on, out on that. Hopefully that will happen. I'm learning whiskey from him.
Pam: 2022 or like?
Jay: There, I don't know. I think maybe late 2022, like maybe around our birthdays.
Pam: All right. All right. I'm down. Ya me invité.
Jay: No, of course girl, you, oh, you're always invited.
Pam: Fun fact, Jay and I's birthdays are within days of each other.
Jay: Yep. They are. Scorpio power.
Pam: Scorpio power. The last two questions.
Jay: Okay. So you, when I, I was trying to think of that and this is the only thing I can think of is, the first thing I always kind of live by is "the answer is always no if you don't ask the question". Something, my mom always told me, and that's something that I kind of live by now. I'm like, if it's no, then you're not any worse off, but if it's yes, that's a door open that wasn't open before. So that's probably my biggest one, is "the answer is always no, if you don't ask the question".
Pam: That's a great quote. I love that. And do you have a remedy? I mean, is wine a remedy?
Jay: Wine is a remedy for a lot of things. it can also be the cost of a lot of things. [laughs]
Pam: Right. Indeed, indeed.
Jay: But used responsibly.
Pam: I guess there isn't a non-alcoholic, I guess is fruit juice, right?
Jay: There are like these crystal drinks. I have not tried them, but I've heard about them. Like they're infused with crystals and stuff and they're supposed to taste pretty good, like rosé.
Pam: Oh really?
Jay: Yeah.
Pam: Interesting. For those who may not drink alcohol.
Jay: Yeah. The very first episode of 2021 that came out with Dr. Marilyn Merola I think is her last name. She was actually drinking that crystal drink. So if you wanna know what it is,I think it's episode 51. Wow. The fact that I remember that and I'm on episode 122.
Pam: Yeah, I respect cuz I have no idea who was on what episode? Zero clue.
Jay: Yeah, she was the first one cuz my friend Gina was episode 50 and I, she was the very first one because she was a doctor and she wa-- I wanted her to talk about certain things. I figured it was a good way to start the year. So episode 51 and she's drinking this crystal drink. I forget what it's called, but the information is on there.
Pam: Okay. Okay. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Maybe we'll bring you back and we'll keep talking about all the things. This was lovely.
Jay: I know we don't. I mean, we, me and you get to talk about these things like on a personal level.
Pam: Offline.
Jay: Yeah. Offline. We have a lot of offline conversations.
Pam: Yeah, no, it was super fun sharing about you and all the things you've done. And I do love kinda like seeing the trajectory of how things kind of evolve and move and then they kind of like fall into place. And so one thing that I witnessed with your story and things that I share with clients is like, sometimes you're in it and you can't really see it, you know, until you're able to look back sometimes and be like, oh, that's why, that's why this happened.
Jay: Oh, totally. You're right. When we're in it, we don't see it. And we're sometimes there's panic and fear and all of those things. And I think we can't be afraid of fear, right? Like that's such a huge thing is you have to, sometimes in order to get through the, you have to actually get through the fear, like face the fear in order to get through it. And so oftentimes we just don't want to cuz we stay in that complacent place, but there's no growth without that. We just remain the same. And if we don't push ourselves and that means facing those fears, whatever that is for you, then how can you have true growth if you don't do that. And if you just stay in the same place.
Pam: For sure. Be, stay open to exploring.
Jay: Yes. And it's never too late. That's the hugest thing, it's never too late. Like never think that you're too old to find your passion, that you're too old to find your love, you know, whatever that is or whoever that is, that it's too late to find yourself and, and, and heal yourself. It's never too late for any of those things. The time is gonna pass, whether you do it or not, might as well do the work and come out a better person.
Pam: All right, Jay. Thank you so much for being in Cafe con Pam. This was awesome.
Jay: Stay shining!
***
All right, listeners. That was my conversation with Jay. What do you think? I would love to know your thoughts. Tell me all the things. And of course screenshot and tag me on social media. And this is the time for me to ask you about leaving a rating and or a review. Depending on which platform you are on, if you are on Apple Podcast, that's one that lets you leave ratings and reviews. It's fairly complicated. If you are familiar with the platform, you just have to go to the show page and then scroll to the bottom and leave a rating and or a review. Thank you so, so much. I appreciate it if you take the time. There are other platforms that let you some of them don't. If you are a Spotify listener, you cannot leave reviews. So thank you though, for listening on there. It, it means a lot just you listening alone. It's an awesome, awesome, awesome deal.
And if you are here for the first time, welcome to Cafe con Pam, I hope you feel at home and I hope you come back. I'm so grateful for your time. I would love to stay connected with you. There are different ways. The easiest one is social media @cafeconpampodcast on both Instagram and Facebook. Go check us out, follow us, comment on one of our posts and let us know you've arrived. You can also join our Discord server, is a fun online gathering space where we can hang out and talk about all the things. Of course, in a very Cafe con Pam fashion we talk about mental health. We talk about our pets. We talk about relevant things that are happening in the world and how we feel about it. And it's super fun. Go to stayshining.club and join us today. If you are curious about my work as a coach, check out cafeconpam.com and that is the place where you can find all the things about my work. If you head over to the place where it says "start here", that's where you can kind of like place yourself where you need to be and see if I can support you in your business.
Y bueno, I am back from Mexico. I know the last two episodes I was gone, and I hope that you follow my stories. I had lots and lots of fun. I didn't wanna come back, pero ya regresamos, this episode is coming at you from San Diego. Y bueno, ya me voy. Thank you so much for listening. Y como siempre, stay shining!