264 - Identity and Being a Jefa with Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda

Jul 17

Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda in Cafe con Pam

264 - Identity and Being a Jefa with Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda

Listeners, we're back this week with Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda

Ashley is an author, community-builder, business development strategist, coach, and socialpreneur. Originally from Queens, NYC and born to a Mexican mom and French-American father, Ashley's career started in the music industry in 2012, working at major record labels, publishers, and venues. After relocating to Portland, OR post-college, she created her own network for local womxn songwriters, now a national organization that has been featured in The Recording Academy, called #WomxnCrush Music.

Since the rapid growth of her organization, she has dedicated her career to creating opportunities and developing businesses and communities of underrepresented entrepreneurs through her coaching and consulting, and has become known as the Business Hada Madrina (Business Fairygodmother).Ashley joined The Mujerista team in 2020 to help create and grow The Mujerista Network, a digital network dedicated to empowering and celebrating the next generation of Latinas making an impact en la cultura. In Feb 2022, she’ll be releasing her debut book through Mango Publishing called Jefa in Training. Ashley currently resides in Portland, Oregon.

During this episode we talked about:

05:40 - Heritage and being a half this half that
08:43 - “La gringuita”
21:25 - Privilege
30:10 - Getting into music
32:51 - "You are a business"
35:58 - Coaching and writing
40:45 - Rejection

Hello everyone. This is Pam de Café con Pam, the bilingual podcast features Latinx, Latine, and people of the global majority who break barriers, change lives, and make this world a better place. Welcome to episode 264 of Café con Pam. Today we have a conversation with Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda.

Queens-born and bred author, business development coach, and socialpreneur, Ashley is launching Jefa In Training, the first "Spanglish" business book for Latina entrepreneurs and creative women. #1 on Amazon's Newly Releases, Jefa In Training is currently available for pre-order and will hit bookstores across the country on February 15th.

Ashley is a community-builder, business development strategist, coach, and socialpreneur. Originally from Queens, NYC and born to a Mexican mom and French-American father, Ashley's career started in the music industry in 2012, working at major record labels, publishers,and venues. After relocating to Portland, OR post-college, she created her own network for local womxn songwriters, now a national organization that has been featured in The Recording Academy, called #WomxnCrush Music. Since the rapid growth of her organization, she has dedicated her career to creating opportunities and developing businesses and communities of the new majority through her coaching and consulting, and has become known as the Business Hada Madrina (Business Fairygodmother). Ashley joined The Mujerista team in 2020 to help create and grow The Mujerista Network, a digital network dedicated to empowering and celebrating the next generation of Latinas making an impact en la cultura and has since taken on the role of Director of Business Development.

Listeners, my conversation with Ashley was so fun. First of all, when I got her book in the mail, I was like, Wait, is this the book I wish I had when I started my business? The answer is yes, and also the business book I wish I'd written, and it made me so happy to see that it was written from a Latina for Latinas, and it's so cool. You'll hear us talk more about the book and how I love the format. You'll hear more why inside of the interview and also really exploring a lot of things with Ashley, we talked more about identity and navigating this space of who we are, especially when it comes to being multicultural and growing up in different languages and different cultures, not just English and Spanish, but maybe in her case it was French. And we really took some time exploring that and I'm hoping it feels supportive to you because identity is something that is often discussed, especially when it comes to Latinos in the United States or in any English speaking country. We've not had a lot of Latinos in outside of the US, but hey, maybe I'm declaring either we need to find some, cuz I know you exists, or I need to attract you. But meanwhile, this conversation with Ashley, we covered from identity, like I said, heritage, language, career, things coming full circle, exploring what you love. And of course her book, Jefa In Training. Y bueno, sin más, aquí está mi conversación con Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda.

***

Pam: Ashley, welcome to Café con Pam. How are you?

Ashley: Uh, I'm so excited to be here. I'm a long time listener, so this is a dream come true.

Pam: Oh my gosh, this is amazing. Well, welcome. I hope you feel at home.

Ashley: I do.

Pam: So the question that we always start with is, what's your heritage?

Ashley: I am half Mexican and half French American. By way of New York City. I was born and raised in New York City.

Pam: Where do you live now?

Ashley: I live in Portland, Oregon.

Pam: Is that like a super shift, from NYC to Portland?

Ashley: 100%. 100%. Especially since I just moved to kind of the suburbs of Portland and I literally, like, I'm looking outside my window right now. It's like a suburb in the middle of a forest. Like there are literally dozens of like rolling hills covered in pine trees. And I have a park up the block that literally looks like you're walking through the middle of a forest. And I look out and I walk down a couple walks and I can see like Mount Hood and all these other mountains from my block. And I'm like, suburbs are not that bad. [laughs]

Pam: How fun though. It's like you're living with fairies. I don't know.

Ashley: I mean it's very fitting cuz I am the business hada madrina, after all.

Pam: Mira. Quedo, quedo. So, let's bring it back to your story a little bit and you said something that made me think of one of my friends who actually corrected me because she's Mexican and her husband is black. She had a child and I was like, Oh, your kid is bicultural. And she was like, No, no, no, my kid is multicultural because, her point was, there's no such thing as half. It's just whole, you know? And so, oh, she was very much about like, don't say that he's half black and half brown. He's a full one person that's just combined.

Ashley: You know, I love that so much, and I would love to tell your friend that as a mixed person that really makes me feel very good. I've always felt very icky answering that question and having to be like, I'm half Mexican and half this. Especially since up until literally last week, I had never been to France and I was very disconnected from my French heritage, even though I grew up with my French grandmother, like in her house, like she spoke to me in French. But aside from that, she didn't really like going back and she didn't really talk too much about where we were from in France. But on the other hand, my mom, who is Mexican, made it a point to bring us back to Mexico every year. I grew up speaking Spanish. I'm very close to my family there. I still go at least once or twice a year. I'm actually hosting my first, uh, Jefa In Training retreat there in the fall.

Pam: How fun!

Ashley: You know, I work with a lot of Latino business owners, so like I am very immersed in Latino culture and very connected to that side of me. So it's always been very weird being like, Well, I'm half this and I'm half that. So kudos to your friend. I want to give her a hug. [laughs] Because I love that, and I know, you know, when I have children that they will appreciate being spoken about like that because they will be Mexican, French and Bulgarian.

Pam: Oh, how fun!

Ashley: So they will really be multicultural.

Pam: For sure. And I mean, I think I'm full Mexican and I grew up in Mexico City and so something that I've encountered in, when it comes to identity and Latinos in the US specifically is that sense of halfness. It's that space of, you know, the whole thing that people say [inaudible] but really it's deeper than that. It's belonging, you know? And so me personally, I never doubt who I am. Because I'm, I'm the most Mexican you can ever get. And I say amante del chile en todas sus presentaciones, because I don't know any other way to be cuz that's what I have always been. And even me arriving into the US when I was 19 years old, I never doubted that I was very Mexican until I became a Latina. And I had to check that box that I was like Hispanic of Latin origin and whatever. Then there was like the questioning of like, pero what are you really? And so I think, yeah, honoring like I'm all the things. Like, take it.

Ashley: Yeah. And it's so interesting because like. Here in the States, especially in Portland where there are not very many Latino people. Well, now that I'm out in the suburbs, there actually are a lot of Latino people and a lot of really great Mexican stores and I'm so happy about it. Yeah.

Pam: Really? Más into suburbs.

Ashley: I think like 70% of my neighbors are Mexican. Actually. It's been really nice. I actually just got invited to one of their kids' birthday parties and they had like the piñata and blasting, you know, mariachis a todo volumen.

Pam: Y carne asada invite?

Ashley: Oh yeah, I did. I, I get two, two weekly and I'm like, right Gresham[?], I see you. But you know, here in Portland, I feel very Mexican, whatever that means to me. Right. I just, I don't feel very American, but when I go to Mexico and I see my family, like everyone there, just really makes it a point that I am la gringuita. Everywhere we go, it's, I am la prima gringuita. Literally, when my uncle sees me, he literally cannot pronounce Ashley. He just goes gringuita! And, you know, it makes me feel very not Mexican when I go there. And so it is, it's definitely very, very interesting.

Pam: Yeah. It's the culture of low key bullying. You know, like the name calling as a term of endearment and you're like, no, you're actually, it's low key bullying . Like, it doesn't feel good. And like we now and understand that they're not coming from a place of like, let me hurt you, you know? But it's like, does it remove it from the truth.

Ashley: Well, you know what's interesting, and I, I've had this conversation recently with a few people because when I go to Mexico and we go to a party or something like that and my family's introducing me, like, Oh, this is my prima la gringuita, you know, she's from the States, whatever, and I'm over here like, I'm sorry, lo siento. I'm sorry about my country. I'm sorry about Trump. I'm sorry about everything, but like my cousins are proud to have an American cousin, because for them it's kind of like a, Oh yes, she's American, she makes dollars, she's important, you know, and like for them it's kind of like a status elevation. And I'm over here like, No, no, no, it's not me.

Pam: So interesting.

Ashley: Yeah, because it is true. I mean, thinking about when people go back to, you know, de rancho, de pueblo to the city, whatever it is, it's like they come with the dollars and it's like, Oh, míralo, ya llegó. So many things. So many layers.

Ashley: Yes.

Pam: Growing up, so you said that your mom raised you speaking Spanish, Grandma raised you, kinda like spoke French to you. Was there ever a conversation between the adults of like, is it just you? Do you have siblings?

Ashley: I have a brother.

Pam: Are you the youngest or oldest?

Ashley: I'm the oldest.

Pam: Same. So was there ever a conversation that you remember, you may have heard around like, no la confundas, like, don't speak French to her because she's gonna get confused and like, and other things?

Ashley: Not that I can remember. And you know, now that you asked me, I feel like I'll have to ask my mom because unfortunately my grandma passed away a few years ago, but, yeah, not that I can remember, but the topic of having children has been a hot topic of conversation recently for my husband and I, and so it is kind of like a, I want them to speak Spanish. I want them to speak French. I want them to speak Bulgarian. I mean, French is kind of like the lesser important one because they don't have any direct family members to speak French to. But like I want them to be able to go to Mexico and speak to their cousins cuz they have cousins down there. And my husband's whole family is in Bulgaria, so they also will have cousins there. So I always say that our kids are gonna be real confused, especially since their names are gonna be like Vladimir Juan José Stevasian[?] Stoyanov. [laughs]

Pam: That's the beauty of like having multicultural families.

Ashley: I think it's really cool.

Pam: I agree.

Ashley: I think it's really cool. And I hope our kids don't hate us.

Pam: I don't think so. Was it weird for you to have a French speaking grandma and a Spanish speaking mom, and an English speaking school?

Ashley: I mean, it definitely made me feel different than everybody else, especially since I grew up with a lot of like American second or third generation friends, not really a lot of Latino friends until I was in college. And so, I saw a lot of the differences. Like it definitely made me feel weird because my mom is the most probably stereotypical Latina mom in the books. You know? She is a very old school Mexican Catholic lady, so when I was a teenager, we really butt heads like, can you imagine? My mom grew up in the sixties and seventies in Morelia, which was very small when she was growing up.Now it's bigger, but I don't know if you've been to Morelia ever, but that's where my mom is from. And so like, you know, she grew up during that timeframe, things were very different. Her family was very religious and I grew up in the 2000's in New York City.

Pam: Right.

Ashley: In the music industry too. Like that's where I started. So I really had to explain to my mom, like, Hey mom, just because I'm going to a boy's house to practice for band doesn't mean something horrible is gonna happen.

Pam: Right?

Ashley: And she'd be like, pero qué van a decir los vecinos? And I'm like, Mom, it's okay. It's for school. Like, I promise they're not trying to sleep with me. And you know, there was a lot of that. And I would tell my friends and they just wouldn't understand, like they wouldn't understand. So it made me feel like, Wow, my mom's real crazy. My friend's moms aren't like that, right? Like, why is she giving me such a hard time? And everyone else's mom is cool. And it wasn't until literally two years ago. So I helped co-create The Mujerista Network, which is the online community for The Mujerista, the publication. And when we started the network two years ago, I became very close with some of the founding members of the network. And we literally have a Whatsapp group called Jefas, where we all just vent about our moms in the group and other things, right? But it's mostly us venting about our moms and the things that they say, and I've never felt so seen and not crazy in my life. And I am 30 now, so literally I've spent 30 years just feeling so different because of the relationship I had with my mom. And now of course, at 30 that relationship is different. She still says crazy shit, but I'm like, I can't live without that woman. She was here for three weeks and I was just, she was here house sitting. She rearranged all my furniture, I got back from vacation. Everything was different. I'm still opening drawers and finding things that she bought. She made this, I'm sorry, mom, this horrible pine cone centerpiece, and put it in my kitchen. And the best is she left a Catholic prayer book in my underwear drawer.

Pam: Oh my gosh, that's the best. I hope you took a picture and made a post about it because.

Ashley: I made a whole story series on Instagram and everyone was like, I feel so seen. My mom would do the same thing. And I'm like, Finally, I don't feel alone. I thought I was done and yesterday I went to open my oven . You know where this is going already? Yeah. I went to open my oven and I don't know why I didn't think to check because I'm not gonna lie, I store some stuff in there sometimes too, but we're in a new house, so I guess I hadn't had a chance to store stuff in there yet. But I opened my oven and of course there was a bunch of baking pans and stuff in there already, and I was just like, Ah, mom, that's not where I put things.

Pam: The oven storage unit is so like iconic. I saw a TED talk one time where, I think it was a Latino creator, I don't remember exactly, but it was like, why when there's like the bottom storage for storage, you know, like typically in stoves in the US maybe it's because of in our countries of origin, stoves didn't have that storage place. And so people learn to store, you know, use every crevice of potential storage. And so the oven became one thing. And so I was like, Oh my gosh. And I didn't know the bottom part of the stove was an actual storage until I was told by someone at data at some point. So I get it.

Ashley: Yeah. So anyway, that was a very long winded and ranty answer to your question, but that's, that's just how it's been like being me and honestly, like, I think it made me feel weird when I was younger, but I love it and I'm, I'm so proud to be this way, especially now that I've been to France. Unfortunately, I was, I only got to go for like literally two days. Like we were on our way back home from visiting Bulgaria, my husband's family. But I learned so much about the culture and why I am the way I am and why my grandma was the way she was like from just being there two days and talking to the people in my very, very, very broken French, and it was so helpful. So yeah, now I'm even more proud to be this way and be able to say, Yeah, I am connected to that culture. Like I learned that people from that region in France, The region of Brittany, it's a northwestern part of France. It's huge. And they produce the most amount of cider in Europe for like the last thousand years. They also love butter. There's some things, uh, specifically like very delicious about Briton butter and also they have amazing seafood. And I'm like, all these things make sense. I love seafood, I love butter, and I also love cider.

Pam: Full circle.

Ashley: Anyway. That's me.

Pam: That's awesome because I've spoken to hundreds of people at this point about heritage and identity, and I think visiting and stepping on the land where your lineage comes from. It makes a huge difference. That's why I think travel is so important. For me I shared I'm very, very Mexican, but when I went to Puerto Rico, for example, I felt something, I almost cried when I stepped foot onto that land. And so Puerto Rico is one of my favorite places. And so I think from all the hundreds of people that I've interviewed, there is this element of when you step foot on that land that you have a connection with, it changes you.

Ashley: I definitely agree and I think my whole reasoning of going was definitely more of like a, like a spiritual one. Like, you know, I mentioned I lost my grandma a few years ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life, probably up until this point, and I just wanted to go see where she was from to feel somehow more connected to her or something, maybe. I was hoping for some kind of message or sign, or, I don't really know what I was looking for, but even though I don't really know what I was looking for, I think I found it, because I definitely feel different coming back. And it's not just because like I had a really wonderful three weeks off, but it's like I definitely feel like something clicked in my head and something shifted. And so I actually posted about it on my Instagram a couple of days ago that like there's one thing about the French people in that region is that they're just so humble and happy all the time. And they, they have this in French, it's called joie de vivre, right. So like in complete like enjoyment of life. And that's something that my grandma had even when she was like dying of cancer. You know, she was just always so happy and just a light and she lit up whatever room she was in, even if it was a hospital room. And that's something that I felt like I always got from her and I think when she passed away, I, I lost that part of myself a lot and going there definitely brought it back, I think, and it, it kind of gave me that message.

Pam: I'm so happy for you for that.

Ashley: Thank you.

Pam: That's awesome.

***

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***

Pam: One thing that I also think about is privilege, because in the US there's a lot of eurocentrism, and so how has it been? Like, do you notice a difference when you're like, Oh yeah, I'm French, Mexican, French American, Mexican, I don't know, versus I've had a lot of doors -being only Mexican- a lot of doors closed. And also, you know, last names. And have you noticed anything?

Ashley: Oh, 100%. I mean, even just like, I mean, look at me, like I'm very, very European looking, stereotypically, right? And my mom is not. My mom is brown, dark hair, dark eyes, and there was a period of time where my mom worked at a fancy-ish restaurant in New York City. Um, she was doing co-check and that was also my first job. My mom brought me into work with her, and the people that attended this restaurant were wealthy white people. They weren't very nice to her, and I think it kind of like always went over my mom's head because she has like a huge sense, not anymore, but she had a huge sense of like this immigrant guilt, where she was just so happy to be there, because they gave her a job and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and all this stuff. And so I remember, I think I was 15 or 16 when she started to bring me to work with her. And my mom's super friendly, so everyone that would walk in the door, she'd be like, Hi, how are you? Hold the door for them this, this, that, ever. And not just cause it was her job, but that's literally just how my mom is. And people would ignore her and like she would like stick her money out for like tips. Cuz she only worked for tips. They didn't pay her there. For 20 years she worked there, by the way, I should mention. And people just treated her like she was furniture. And even me at 16 years old, I noticed that something was off because when I started working there, everything was different. And of course like I was like a young girl, but like I know it had to do with the way that I looked and that I didn't look anything like my mom and I would hear them saying like some racist crap, like under their breath while she was next to me. And there was one day that I did say something, I was like, Hey, do you know that that's my mom. And they'd all be like, Wow, what? No way. And I'm like, Yeah, that's my mom. And so that's really when things kind of shifted for me because I realized that like things were different and that people treated my mom and I different. And I actually had a moment of, kind of like a little bit of an epiphany, cuz that job really shaped me in the way that I thought that everybody who had money was evil. Cuz I saw these rich people doing really not nice things to my mom. And so I actually, earlier this year, I went back there as a customer.

Pam: Wow.

Ashley: And I sat at the bar. And I let all of them know how successful I was.

Pam: Yes.

Ashley: And how successful my mom was because my mom is now working with me.

Pam: Yay.

Ashley: And I went back and their faces were just like, they like couldn't believe that the daughter of a Mexican co-check woman had a best selling book and hired her mom to help her with her bus-- Like they, they just couldn't process that and it felt so good sticking it to them. I'm not going lie, it felt so good doing it, and I like told my mom about it and I thought she was gonna get mad and she was just like, Good for you hija. You told them. And I'm like, I did tell them, mom.

Pam: I mean, it feels good to hear. I mean, that story is so powerful for you and also for everyone hearing it. As a coach, I think about stepping out of victimhood and stepping into your power. And so while it could have been easy to just be like, uh, poor me. You know, like, they treated us poorly and like whatever. It's like, sure, this is the reality that we're living in and let's prove them wrong. Let me go back and like pay for the check. Show the receipts.

Ashley: Yeah. And I literally did, they kept offering to buy me drinks that day and I was just like, No, that's okay. I'll buy you a drink, like, I'll buy you a drink if you want.

Pam: Yes. That's awesome. Thank you for sharing.

Ashley: Yeah, for sure.

Pam: Okay, so let's take a quick coffee break.

***

Pam: All right. Ashley, do you drink coffee?

Ashley: I do drink coffee. I love coffee.

Pam: What's your favorite way of brewing it? Do you drink it every day?

Ashley: After we're done talking, I'll probably go make my third coffee of the day. Currently I have a Nespresso.

Pam: Nice.

Ashley: And I really love it. But I actually was just gifted an old school Cuban style coffee maker.

Pam: Ooh, A Greca?. Like the one that you put on the stove?. Ooh!
Ashley: Si! I've never had one before because my parents drink American coffee and like, no offense to all of you listening who drink American coffee, but like why? Kinda like why? My mom was here for three weeks and she bought an American coffee maker for my kitchen.

Pam: Oh my gosh. Like a drip one?

Ashley: Yes!

Pam: That's funny.

Ashley: I was just like, mom, ¿por qué? no entiendo, but anyway, that's besides the point. I love coffee. I make my two shots of nespresso in the morning, and then I drink a third shot at some point during the day, and I'm very excited to try my new little coffee maker because I brought back the best coffee from Mexico when I was there in April.

Pam: Nice.

Ashley: I don't know if you're familiar with La Lucha from Uruapan. Ooh girl!

Pam: It's good?

Ashley: It's amazing. It's my favorite coffee in the world, and I had to buy some, even though I knew I wasn't gonna be able to use it with the nespresso, but I'm very, very excited. Oh, maybe, I'll make that later actually. That sounds good.

Pam: Tag me and be like, That's the coffee that I talked about in Café con Pam.

Ashley: I think I will have to do that.

Pam: That's awesome. I'm excited to see it. On my end I am drinking Cucurucho coffee, which is also, I was recently in Mexico City. I was there for Pride a few weeks ago, and of course I went and visited all the coffee shops and I only brought one 12-ounce from Cucurucho. And is this coffee shop in Mexico City. I'm kind of a purist. And so in Cucurucho, they're very much purist type of coffee makers. And it's funny because when I went and I was like, Well, what, what do you recommend I'm gonna take? I'm gonna travel back and I'm gonna take something home. And they were like, Well, we would like to know your method of pouring and like oof. Or that's specific because depending on how I pour my coffee, that's the coffee that they recommended. And so I was like, Well, I'm gonna do a pour over. What method of pour over? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, we're getting that deep. Okay. And so finally I was like, I have a multiple types of pour over devices. Like do we really need to get, like just give me coffee. And so they recommended a coffee for Veracruz and he said it was between Veracruz and a blend. I ended up going with a Veracruz type and I have made it and it's delicious. My favorite coffee is really from Ethiopia, and the processing method is air dried, and there's the name I don't remember now. And so I was like, well, I would like one of those. And so they recommended Veracruz, and it does have this sweetness, fruity type of taste. And so I'm giving a shout out, my super longwinded explanation of my shout out to Cucurucho in Mexico.

Ashley: Love it. I love it.

Pam: And I had a pour over, so that was good. I'm gonna try with the Greca and I'll see. I might make myself a coffee and I'll tag you and be like, Okay, Ashley, here we go.

Ashley: Yeah, I know. I'm like, I was just thinking about like, God damn, I hope I don't screw it up. No, no. I think-- [laughs]

Pam: No, the make is real easy. You just have to grind it really fine and then just fill it up and it's awesome because it, como que se hace by itself. The way that I've messed it up is where I over burn, like overheat it and then it kind of like explodes. So you just have to kind of watch it.

Ashley: I'm gonna have to time it so I know for the next time.

Pam: Just watch it. Just watch it. Make sure that it doesn't over boil, cuz otherwise you're gonna have to clean up your stove. But super fun. It's so exciting. Okay, let's get back to the show.

***

Pam: Okay, Ashley, so let's fast forward into your story because there's so much in between that has happened and a lot of things that are happening. And I love your success and I love your book. And you really started in music. So how did that work? Do you have family in music? Do you, how did you get into music?

Ashley: So, as I mentioned, I grew up in New York City. My dad is a New Yorker of French parents, but definitely like if someone asked me like, What's your dad? What's the deal? He's a New Yorker through and through like that's just it. And my dad was in a punk rock band in the late seventies, early eighties. They weren't very good. But that's besides the point. So my dad like had his bass lying around one day, um, when I was like 11 or 12 years old, and I found it and I was just like, Dad, what is that? And I thought it was a guitar cause what did I know at that point? And he was like, Oh, it's my bass. I was in a band, blah, blah, blah. Prior to this, I didn't realize that my dad was in a band. And so I started asking him questions about it and I picked it up and I just kind of started like messing around with it, not really knowing what I was doing. And my dad was like, Do you wanna play music? And I was like, I think so. But prior to that, a few of my cousins in Mexico had taken piano lessons. And so when I would go over the summer, like I was very interested in like learning piano. And my mom even put me in piano lessons when I was like 10, I didn't last very long cause I didn't like the practice. That still hasn't changed by the way, but you know, so I kind of started off with piano when I was around like 9 or 10. And then when I picked up my dad's bass, I started playing bass and I got into LaGuardia Arts, like the fame school. I auditioned for bass and I also started singing in high school kind of secretively because I was very shy. And then when I graduated high school, I didn't really wanna go to music school. Like most people from LaGuardia end up going to Julliard and they pursue like classical music or some, or jazz, and I didn't really wanna do that, so I ended up going to school for media communications, because I did want to be famous touring rockstar. And so I figured if I wanted to be famous, I should probably learn how to promote myself and market myself and things like that. That was my thought process back then.

Pam: I think it's brilliant.

Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's kind of worked in a few ways. Um, but while I was in college, I was in like a series of bands also while, you know, pursuing, I started in Music PR, I did internships at big record labels and MTV and kinda learned a little bit about like artist management and just really tried to immerse myself in the industry that I was trying to break into, which gave me a huge leg up. Like I learned how to pitch myself and like how to build this brand, and I think that time in my life was really, really important because what a lot of people don't realize is that the moment you become an artist of any kind, a musician, a photographer, or an author, you know, you have to use all of these. You are a business, right? And I didn't know that at that time, but I was still building all of these skills, which eventually prepared me for entrepreneurship. And when I started my first venture, which was my music nonprofit called Woman Crush Music. And I started that basically a couple of years after college. And so that artist phase of my life really prepared me for having to represent myself and represent my business and promote and know how to build relationships and even sell, right? Like it just prepares you for so many different things and mix that experience with what I did in school and things kind of just took off from there. And yeah, that's kind of how all everything started.

Pam: How fun. Did your mom or dad or your family was like, why music? Why don't you go the the secure route?

Ashley: They were really, really supportive. They've always been really, really supportive. There was a point in college, I think I was like a year away from graduating college and I was just like, Guys, I don't wanna do this anymore. Like, I literally just cut class to like go to the practice rooms to prep for my shows. Like I don't wanna be here. And my parents were like, No, don't do that. You only have one year left. Like they were basically just like, just finish school and after you graduate, like do whatever you want. And I think their point of view was like, if you want to do music, do music. You know, don't just say that you're gonna do music. And I think because they actively saw me like practicing or playing shows or putting myself out there, that they knew that I was serious because there are unfortunately so many artists that move to New York and they say that they're musicians, or they say that they're actors and they don't book gigs. Not because they can't, but because they don't try. And I definitely put myself out there. And so I think that helped. And I'm very lucky that they have been along this crazy journey with me. And not only supportive, but they're very proud. Like when I was playing shows, my dad would literally go to every show. It didn't matter where it was, what dingy bar, how late, how noisy. My dad was always there. Woo. Yeah. Gosh.

Pam: That's awesome.

Ashley: Didn't matter that he was always the oldest one there. Like he was always there. Like, yeah, good. And now with all the book stuff, like they're really proud. And like I said, my mom works with me now, so that's super cool. And my mom literally tells every person she meets in the street like, Hi, I'm, I'm Laura, my daughter wrote a book. It's on Amazon.

Pam: Buy it.

Ashley: Yeah, exactly. Buy it. It was bestseller.

Pam: Yay! So how did Jefa in Training come about? Because how does a musician, turned coach, turned author in business?

Ashley: That's actually a funny story. I don't know if funny story, but everything connects, right? So when I started my music nonprofit, I really knew nothing about business aside from how to market things, because that was my experience. There was a point probably like during the second or third year of my nonprofit where we took off really quickly because at that point all I knew how to do was create a brand and promote. And so we got press from like everywhere. And so our community grew like super fast. So at that point I knew, I knew how to promote and build a community and maintain a community because we went from doing ongoing events in one city, to 16 international cities in a year.

Pam: Yay.

Ashley: And I was managing all these things by myself. And then eventually I, like I got volunteers to help and we just kept growing and growing and growing until at the end of the first year we had 10,000 people in our community. And while it sounds really great on paper, and while I'm talking about it, it was actually a hot mess because by year two we had grown to the point where we could have kept going that way, but things were a mess. Like there was no strategic plan, there was no fundraising plan. Like there was no real like operational structure. Like I just knew that we had a community, they were happy, and the rest of us were going crazy. And so I kind of had to take a step back at that point and pause and be like, What do I need to do? And so I ended up starting to work for Yelp. So I did Yelp community marketing, and that was like my first and only job in corporate, but I learned a lot about business development and brand partnerships and community building through that job. And then I transferred into Tech Startup worlds where I did a lot of business development and customer experience and partnerships as well. And so I did that for five-ish years, I guess the last five or six years while building my organization. And so I used those skills and applied them to my organization and completely turned things around. And while I was doing that, people were watching and that's kind of how I became a coach and consultant because other creatives would come to me and be like, Hey, can you help me start my blog, or help me start my podcast, or help me start my music career? And at first I was just working with musicians because I felt most comfortable doing that. Well, I worked with small businesses too because I knew a lot of them from my time at Yelp. But then when the pandemic hit and live music kind of took a pause, I had to pivot. I put a lot of things with the non-profit on hold and I had to think about where I wanted to focus my attention next, and I've always loved helping people launch and grow their projects and really helping them make a, a sustainable roadmap to growing their business because I'm not just a coach, I do business development coaching specifically, so how to acquire more customers or retain your customers or grow your sales and things like that. I started really like homing in on that and working with more of those kinds of clients. Mainly still like a lot of tech and e-commerce startups and building a lot of online communities is what I did in the beginning of the pandemic. And that is what led me to meeting Maribel, the founder of The Mujerista. Cause I had just moved to Miami and we connected. And originally she hired me to run her co-working space that she had in Miami. And I was really excited about it. But then the pandemic hit and she was just like, What should we do? And I was like, I don't know. So we ended up deciding to close the coworking space and shift our efforts to building this online community, which is now The Mujerista Network. And while we were doing that, you know, I connected with so many other Latinas who are now some of my best friends who were featured in the book. I had always wanted to write a book when I was struggling so much with my nonprofit. You know, I came up with this idea for a book like this because I read every business book under the sun at that point, especially all the ones targeted towards us Millennial women, right? The Girl Boss, The Girl Code, and then the classics. Like Start With Why, whatever. And I had a really, really hard time connecting with a lot of those authors. And for me specifically, it's very hard for me to be inspired by people I don't have anything in common with. And so at that point in time, which was like the end of 2019, I thought, wouldn't it be cool if someone like me wrote a book about this, so that people don't make the same mistakes that I did? I kind of sat with that idea. I started to write it. I started pitching agents, and I got a lot of rejections. A lot of this is too niche because I wanted to target it towards the Latino market. And I made that decision because I was meeting a lot of Latinas and they felt the same way. Like, yes, we would love something like this, like from a Latina lens, you know, featuring Latino people so we can be inspired by them and things like that. And then, so I tabled the project because Covid happened and life happened. And then about a year later I was doing on something for The Mujerista, and I met the editor of my now publishing company and we just got to talking. I didn't really know who she was at that point, and she was just like, Hey, like I really like your vibe. Like I really like your mission. You seem to know what you're talking about. Are you writing a book? And I was like, Oh mierda! Yes, yes, I am writing a book. And so I like very quickly like looked at my proposal and turned it around. I hadn't looked at it in like a year and I sent it to her and she was like, Oh my gosh, I love this so much. And she did have to fight with the publisher a little bit, for three months we worked on it to the point where like they could approve it. Because it was scary for them, because like I didn't have much of an audience, you know, it was very niche, like a business book for Latinas in Spanglish. Like what were they gonna do with that, you know? But thankfully, like in the publisher, like I think around 10 people were working on, working with me on Jefa, including editors and designers and the marketing team, things like that. Seven of them were Latina.

Pam: That's awesome.

Ashley: And the other three were, were women of color, so they really got it. You know, like they understood why this book had to happen, why it had to happen this way. And I'm just honestly honored that I got to be the one to do it because, you know, this was, I would literally work with my clients while I was reading through the book. And then there were so many times I thought I was done and be like, Wait, no, we went over this three times with my clients this week. I have to put this in there. You know? And like the book worked because it's, it's real information and real strategies that have worked with people and it's current. You know, people are doing this now and the way that the book is structured is so that you can use it to build your business plan if you're just starting out. But you know, it's also really great for people who have businesses already who might wanna launch something new or pivot a little bit because of the frameworks that are in there. You can use the frameworks over and over again, and you also don't have to read the whole thing. Like if you are listening to me right now and you're like, this sounds kind of awesome, but I just need help with sales. Okay, just open the sales chapter and do the worksheet for the sales and do the writing prompts for the sales, and then that's it. You can close it back up and never look at it again if you want to, you know? But I hope that people will use it in whatever way that works for them.

Pam: I love the book. I love. It's in a workbook kind of format. I love that it's like a take your own adventure type of book. It does have chapters and to piggyback on what you said, if I just wanna work on like lesson one, go to lesson one and it's super cool. I'm a fan of writing on books and so I always appreciate books that I can write on them like that invite me to write on them. And so it's definitely a workbook. Like a working book. So super cool. Congrats on writing it. When I got it in the mail, I was like, What? This is awesome, it's talking to me.

Ashley: Thank you so much.

Pam: And me as a business coach, I mean, I definitely went through it and it's powerful. It's powerful stuff. It's things that are definitely needed and and language that connects with people that look and sound like us. So thank you for writing it. Where can we find it? Tell us all the things. All the places, the spaces, all the links.

Ashley: Oh, well I am very excited to announce that on my website, on the Jefa In Training page, you can now buy signed copies directly from me. I will make them nice and personalized and cute for you if you decide to buy them from me. If not, you can find them on Amazon, Bookshop, if you wanna support your local indie bookstores, Target, Barnes and Nobles, maybe your local bookstore has them, so you can ask for it. Ask for it at your local libraries too. That's a really great to support local authors. Um, but yeah, it's available everywhere. It's also an audiobook, so you can also listen to it if you prefer. And if you do decide to buy the audiobook, just email me your receipts so I can send you the worksheets because it's a little bit hard to do a workbook.

Pam: Oh, perfect.

Ashley: If you just listened to it.

Pam: Did you record it?

Ashley: I didn't. I don't love my speaking voice, to be honest with you. If I could sing everything, I probably would, but my speaking voice, I don't like that much.

Pam: So you were gonna say something about the worksheet?

Ashley: Oh yeah. I've had people buy the audio books and then when they see the worksheets, they end up actually buying the physical book just because it's, you know, it's a lot of information to just listen to. And it's kind of one of those things that you have to like, go back to it. And I don't know how you found it, but I, I think it's a pretty easy read. I made it to be a pretty easy read the way that I wrote it. However, that doesn't mean that I expect people to read it in one week because there are a lot of things that you need to develop in here, right?

Pam: Correct. Correct.

Ashley: A lot of these things, like they don't come overnight.

Pam: Yes.

Ashley: Don't feel like just because it's an easy read you don't, you don't have to go through it in one week. It takes three months, six months, a year, however long you need it to go back to it, after a year, if you want to, like, I highly encourage people to really use the book.

Pam: Yeah. I'm that kind of person that buys the audio book. And then there are some that is like if you look at the table on whatever and then they kinda like read it and I'm like, no. So I've many times, many times in like my audio library, I end up buying the physical book because of that reason and so, workbooks like that-- I've read a lot of audio books that are made in the workbook format, and I do end up getting the physical book because it it it does something to you to write it down.

Ashley: Yeah, it does. And I, that's why I wanted to make it a workbook because I don't process things if I don't write them down. I don't learn that way. Not everyone's like that, but for me, like I need to write things down and it's also like when I knew I was gonna write this book, I knew that I had to make it engaging somehow. And it was a little bit intimidating because you hear like, people don't read anymore, people just watch TikTok, people just listen to podcasts, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, how am I gonna compete with TikTok?

Pam: Right. With the seven second.

Ashley: Right. People are used to consuming information in 10 to 20 seconds, like, how am I going to do that? And I realized that a workbook would be the only way. And also like when you're teaching somebody something like I am so used to coaching and consulting, right? Where you're constantly checking in like, Are you good? You follow me? Okay, you have homework. You can ask me questions about the homework. But when someone's reading a book, they can't really do that. You know, you don't have them in front of you, so you could be like, You good? You still with me? No. Okay. Let me explain it to you again. So I really had to make sure that there were like pauses where they could write in their thoughts and stories to help them feel inspired if they were getting tired of hearing me tell them what to do. Um, so...

Pam: The stories are also very powerful.

Ashley: Yeah. I've had some very, very awesome collaborators. I'm so, so, so lucky, and I'm so grateful for all of them wanting to be at the project. The book would not, would not be as awesome as it is without them. A hundred percent. They inspired me, that's why I asked them to be a part of the book. I hope people connect with it and I hope it inspires them and I hope it helps them. And I'm just, I'm so excited about it.

Pam: Yay. Well go buy it everyone. And that point that you made, it's so important and key to ask your local library to bring the book because you know, they'll buy dozens of them, at least, or at least, I don't know, six minimum. That just increases sales, which is so important. And Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up. Which unfortunately, unfortunately means that a lot of people will be interested in us and the books. So please share it with whoever you wanna share it with, you know, I'm happy to talk to whomever about it. I also do workshops based on the book and chapters of the book, so if anyone is looking, I've been working with a few colleges to bring the workshops and I'd love to do more. I love speaking to college students, so, definitely spread the word.

Pam: Definitely spread the word for sure. Ashley, thank you so much for coming to Cafe con Pam, this was awesome.

Ashley: This was awesome. This was so fun. Thank you so much for having me.

Pam: Thank you. Anything you'd like to add that I didn't ask?

Ashley: Uh, no, I, I think that's everything. Uh, the only other thing is speaking of books, um, I am starting to coach authors as well, which is very, very, very exciting. I realized when we were doing the market research for Jefa in Training that the amount of non-profit Latina authors, especially in business and career sections are, I, my book had no competition, like none. And that was really great and also really scary for me. And so I really want to help more Latinas, get their book out there and get our stories told and our voices heard, because we all have something to say in our own unique way and from our unique perspective. So yes, if you are interested in that, go to my website. There's more information and that's it. Thank you.

Pam: Thank you. I'll be reaching out to you 'cause I've been asked many times by listeners, when are you writing your book? And I'm like, I know I have a book in me. But you know, we'll get there.

Ashley: I'll be excited for that.

Pam: To your point, everyone has a story to tell. I agree. And listeners, reach out to Ashley so you can write your book. And all the things.

Ashley: And all the things. Write your book, Grow your business. Be my friend. I like friends too.

Pam: Yes, Yes, yes.

Ashley: Have coffee with me.

Pam: Yes. Ashley, thank you so much again for coming to Cafe con Pam, you're awesome.

Ashley: Listeners, stay shining!

***
Bueno, listeners. That was my conversation. I hope you enjoyed our talk. I hope you by the book. Always I encourage people buying the book for the authors that we bring on. Because I truly believe, and in me now that I'm a little bit more, I'm a lot more serious about writing a book myself. I've done a lot of research and exploration of the publishing industry, and one thing that I know and have learned is that your orders have a lot to do with how the publishing companies believe we consume. What do I mean by that? When a Latino book or a Spanglish book, or a Latina author is published, presales are so important because that it's almost like the thermometer that tells a publishing company people do want it, and they can't wait to get it. So they're pre-order. Uno, y dos, the more people want the book, the more people require or purchase the book, the more the publishing companies will learn and understand that we are hungry for that content, that we want more. And so for me, for example, Ashley wrote Jefa in Training book, which is a business book for Latinas, I wanna write a business book for Latinas as well. And so the fact that Ashley has already proven, kind of like opened the door to this market, then publishing companies now have that awareness. And so that's why it's so important to support everyone, support all authors, all Latino, Latina, Latine authors because we vote with our purchases.

Y bueno, I hope you like this conversation and let me know, screenshot and share on the socials. Follow me @cafeconpampodcast both on Instagram and Facebook. Tag me where you are on this episode. Tell me what you love about it. Tag Ashley, let us know. We are always curious about hearing your thoughts and the things that you resonated with on the episode.

And if you would like to continue to connect further, join the Stay Shining Club, stayshining.club, and this is a Discord server that serves as a place for us to gather and hang out together. And it's [inaudible] and I hang out there all the time. We say good morning. We celebrate things together. We talk about mental health. We share even our pets and cowork and do a lot of things together, and you can join at any time, stayshining.club.

If you're curious and interested about my work, head over to cafeconpam.com. I have the Liberated Business Roadmap that takes you from becoming friends with your coins, from really uncovering your money stories, to launching your business, and I would love to help you with that if you are curious. cafeconpam.com, that's where you can find all the things might work.

Y bueno, thank you so much for listening. Seriously. I guess I need to ask you to leave a review and a rating. If you haven't subscribed, this is the time. That's huge. Whatever platform you're listening to, if you subscribe, that makes a big difference. It's almost like pre-ordering the book, and so that makes a difference. Rating is also so important and reviewing as well. If you feel called to leave some words about what you think about Café con Pam, I would so love you and appreciate you because I, it means a lot. It really does. The fact that you take the time not only to listen to me, but also leave some words like, Oh my gosh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Y bueno, no tengo más que compartir, this week has been a little wild on my end of the world. Maybe I'll do an update soon. If you hear my energy a little bit lower is because, you know, there's some things happening in my family and we're dealing with it. And so if you are going through a hard time, I send you lots of love. And sometimes when it's hard, sometimes it does feel hard to stay shining. But uh, just remember you have light within. Un abrazote. Y si, [inaudible]