271 - Estate Planning with Carmen Rosas

Sep 4

271 - Estate Planning with Carmen Rosas

Listeners, we're back this week with Carmen Rosas

Hoop-wearing, award-winning and stereotype-defying attorney Carmen Rosas is on a mission to help women chase and secure the bag. Drawing on more than 10 years of experience in estate planning, Rosas equips women to protect themselves and their families by protecting their assets. And she’s doing it all in style.

A proud mix of Mexican, French, and Italian, Carmen grew up in the Bay Area, fascinated by her grandmother's stories of living in Mexico, arriving in America, and settling in California. Her curiosity of other cultures and the development of languages and communal systems led her to study Anthropology at Santa Clara University. During her sophomore year, she even interned at the Public Defender’s Office-Juvenile Division in Washington D.C.

Carmen’s comparison studies of the U.S. legal system and tribal systems in New Zealand, as well as her interest in policy change, led her to law school. Following this inspiration, she grew her legal skills and worked with three prominent Bay Area law firms while also volunteering with the Pro Bono Project of Silicon Valley.

Today she is the founder and lead counsel of Carmen Rosas Law where she empowers women to take back control of their money, desires and life. Carmen’s unique approach to estate planning blends personalized, intuitive coaching with trusted legal advice to finally give women, especially Latina women, the chance to be seen and heard by an attorney who looks like them and gets it.

Carmen has been featured inThe Huffington Post, Forbes, Be Latina, Create and Cultivate, The Balance, and Modern Latina where she shares her guidance and legal advice with women around the country. When she’s not plotting a new way to help women win, she’s either hiking, gardening, traveling, shopping at local farmer's markets or experiencing new cultures. More than anything, she loves spending her free time with her beautiful daughter.

During this episode we talked about:

04:14 - Growing up multicultural
10:26 - Being the first
13:40 - Going to law school
31:57 - Getting to where she is now
36:21 - What is estate planning
And more...

Hello everyone. This is Pam, de Café con Pam, the bilingual podcast features Latines and people of the global majority who break barriers, change lives, and make this world a better place. Welcome to episode 271 of Café con Pam. Today we have a conversation with Carmen Rosas.
Hoop-wearing, award-winning and stereotype-defying attorney Carmen Rosas is on a mission to help women chase and secure the bag. Drawing on more than 10 years of experience in estate planning, Carmen equips women to protect themselves and their families by protecting their assets. And she’s doing it all in style.
A proud mix of Mexican, French, and Italian, Carmen grew up in the Bay Area, fascinated by her grandmother's stories of living in Mexico, arriving in the US, and settling in California. Her curiosity of other cultures and the development of languages and communal systems led her to study Anthropology at Santa Clara University. During her sophomore year, she even interned at the Public Defender’s Office-Juvenile Division in Washington D.C.
Carmen’s comparison studies of the U.S. legal system and tribal systems in New Zealand, as well as her interest in policy change, led her to law school. Following this inspiration, she grew her legal skills and worked with three prominent Bay Area law firms while also volunteering with the Pro Bono Project of Silicon Valley.
Today she is the founder and lead counsel of Carmen Rosas Law, where she empowers women to take back control of their money, desires and life. Carmen’s unique approach to estate planning blending personalized, intuitive coaching with trusted legal advice to finally give women, especially Latinas, the chance to be seen and heard by an attorney who looks like them and gets it.
When Carmen is not plotting a new way to help women win, she’s either hiking, gardening, traveling, shopping at local farmer's markets or experiencing new cultures. More than anything, she loves spending her free time with her beautiful daughter.
Listeners, this conversation with Carmen was so great because I think you're definitely going to learn something about it, not only from Carmen's story, but also from what it is that estate planning attorneys do. I didn't know in the full intricacies of it, so I really, really loved how Carmen broke down what do we need to do, everyone needs to have a will, and to take action to make sure that you don't go through challenge when somebody dies. And given that I just experienced a death recently in my family less than two months ago and not having a will, it's a big deal. So definitely listen to this. Definitely take notes, learn from Carmen's story. She's so magical and inspiring and take action. Y bueno, aquí les dejo ya the conversation and then we'll talk later about it. Sin más, here's my conversation with Carmen Rosas.
***
Pam: Carmen, welcome to Café con Pam.
Carmen: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
Pam: I'm excited to have you. Before we started recording, you told me that you just got back from vacation. That's so exciting.
Carmen: Yes. We just got back from Italy and it was beautiful and amazing, but so hot and so many people, but it was gorgeous. Like I'm such like, I guess like a history nerd geek, like I'm an anthropology major. I majored in anthropology and so I love seeing other cultures and just like history. So Rome was my favorite, but we were all over the place.
Pam: Yeah. So Carmen, tell me, what's your heritage?
Carmen: So I am Mexican, first generation and French and Italian. So my dad is from Mexico. My mom is from here, but my grandma, great grandma, and my mom's side is from France. And my great grandpa, like, I don't know the exact details from Italy. And so we're actually in the process of getting our Italian citizenship. I'm dual Citizen Mexico and here in the US and then I'm gonna be tri[?] citizenship while I'll have my Italian citizenship as well.
Pam: Nice.
Carmen: Yeah, it's very interesting. Just for fun, um, I guess.
Pam: Just because you can, right?
Carmen: Yeah, just because I can. Why not?
Pam: Claro! How was it for you to grow up multicultural?
Carmen: Oh, that's such a great question. It's funny because, so I'm darker, my brother is very fair skin, had blonde hair, and so growing up they would be like, oh, like what's the situation? Or I would get questions like, oh, what are you? I'm like, what do you mean? Because I wasn't, you know, Mexican enough to be Mexican, but I wasn't white like, or you know, white facing looking, I forget the term to be white. We grew up with my dad's side of the family, so it was very like big Mexican parties, big family parties, everyone getting together, you know, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And we know like the rosca in January, so we grew up with very like, I guess Mexican traditions. And so I never fully identified with the like French and Italian or the white side of me, although my mom was born here. And so growing up it was very interesting because the other part was that my dad didn't teach us Spanish when we were little. He thought, cuz you know, he came here and struggled to kind of like assimilate. He didn't teach us Spanish because he thought we would be at a disadvantage, that people would make fun of us. And I was like, if you only knew. You know, if my Spanish was like perfect. So I learned from my grandma. Watching novelas with her, my favorite novela was Carrusel.
Pam: Carrusel!
Carmen: I dunno if you've ever.
Pam: Yes, of course.
Carmen: Yeah. So I watched that with her and I would like, I loved it. And she doesn't speak English, like, still, you know, to this day she doesn't speak English. And so I learned from her and in school and because I always felt like more connected to the Mexican side of me, I felt like I just like immersed myself, like obsessed with like the culture with like, you know, papel picado, all of it, right? Like the pottery. And so I learned Spanish. My brother learned it like via Dualingo, right? Like where it's like he's learned it as he got older. So my Spanish now is better. It's not, I don't consider myself fluent, but I have tons of Spanish speaking clients, right? Who love the fact that I speak Spanish and being in the industry, in the field that I'm in, there's not very many of us that will that look like me or speak Spanish. And so growing up it was very interesting. One story I would love to share is that when we were in college, my brother and I ended up going to the same college, so I'm the first person in my family to go to college. Nobody knew anything even in my extended family. So I paved the way, went to undergrad, and my brother then followed in my footsteps. And so he, I had joined a multicultural sorority where it was primarily Latinas, but we did have like a mix, like people who did not want to join the more traditional sororities that had, you know, primarily Caucasian individuals. And so my brother on the other hand joined a very like caucasian white fraternity. And I remember one time he invited me to a party. He's like, oh, come to my fraternity's having this party. So I go with all of my Latina sorority sisters and I'm like, Hey. And I asked for my brother's name's Leandro. So it's funny, his name's Leandro, but he's like a little whitey toy[?]
Pam: White.
Carmen: Super white. And so I get there and I'm like, Hey, and they're like, oh, who are you? And I was like, oh, that's my brother. And they're like, that's not your brother. I was like, I swear, that's my brother. And so he calls me and he's like, Hey, where are you? And I was like, I'm outside. They won't let us in. So he comes out, he is like, dude, like what the, you know? And the guys are like, that's not your sister. And he's like, it is my sister. Why would I lie about that being my sister? And he is like, what's your problem? And so I think that was the first time that he like realized the difference between us. Um, not only is he a boy, right, or a man, and I'm a woman, but growing up I always kind of like joined more of the minorities. I went to a private high school where it was like primarily white and there was like 10 minority, including like black and Latino people. There were like 10 of us. So we all would like sit together, whereas he just kind of like went with the crowd, right? Like he fit in everywhere. And so we actually just had this conversation a couple months ago about what it was like growing up as me, well, one is like a minority in two ways, right? As a female and identifying more as Mexican versus him as a white male. And he's like, no, no, no. And so it was really interesting conversations that we have that I'm just like, you will never understand because you never walked in my shoes. It's very interesting, especially right, that, you know, I'm mixed, but also that we grew up in the same family. He just has a very different perspective. And it's one of those family dynamics where you have to say, we're gonna agree to disagree on this one, and that's it.
Pam: Yes. That's fascinating. Especially because it's in your literal, immediate family, no?
Carmen: Yeah.
Pam: It's not like your primos or you know, like it's your brother.
Carmen: Yeah. And it's funny because we have a younger brother who acts more like my brother, but looks more like me. And so seeing that's very interesting.
Pam: Oh!
Carmen: Yes. So I'm the oldest and then my brother is 17 months younger than us. So we grew up, you know, together. And then we have a 19 year old brother, so there's that big gap. Same parents, that's a whole other topic for another game. And so I was 19 when my mom had him, and so I would walk around and they'd be like, oh, is that your baby? And I'm like, no, no, no. And even growing up, they always thought that my brother was my son. And I was like, absolutely not. Like. [laughs] Because part of it was like, I'm not a statistic. Like there is that part of it. Like they would never ask my brother, is that your son?
Pam: For sure! You fit the profile Carmen.
Carmen: I know. And I was like, oh heck no. So, yeah, so very fascinating.
Pam: Wow. So you had this conversation with your brother, but have you had it as a family?
Carmen: Well, I, so when I had it with my brother, it was like my parents were there and my dad and my mom just kind of like, they're like, oh. Well, even. it's funny because my mom had blonde hair when she was younger, so that's where my brother gets it from now. Now she's like darker brown, like I should say, lighter brown, like my hair's darker, right? It's not black, but it's dark brown. But my mom's is a little bit lighter, but not blonde. But people would always say, oh, are you Mexican? And she was like, no. Like I--
Pam: To her?
Carmen: Yeah, to her. Which is so it's so--
Pam: Probably the Italian in her?
Carmen: I think so. Yeah. It was, it was probably that, because she's fair skin though. Like she's not like my color. She's lighter, but has darker hair.
Pam: Interesting.
Carmen: Yeah. But people would always ask her, and I think part of it though, was that where she grew up, right? Where her and my dad grew up, it was what they called like Little Mexico. So here in the Bay Area, right on, it's like Middlefield Road, like that's where all the Mexicans has immigrated. And so I think she just grew up around them and so maybe like picked up mannerisms or accents, things like that.
Pam: For sure.
Carmen: Yeah. But so we had it as a family, but I don't think anybody fully understands. It's just a lot of it, right? It's like being the first to do so many things, right. Go to college, paving the way, being like Mexican in a predominantly white school like that was, I feel like that was the story of my life. And now being the only attorney in a white male do-- white male dominated field. I was like, you know, the source, God, higher energy was really testing me with, with this one. Right. They're like, this is what you picked.
Pam: Yeah. You wanna make change Carmen? All right. Lemme drop that pen[?].
Carmen: Yeah. It's like, okay. Alright. I see. Thank you. I got this. Yeah.
Pam: So many layers. Okay. So where did you grow up?
Carmen: In California. In the Bay Area.
Pam: In the Bay. And you're still in the Bay?
Carmen: I'm still here. One of the few that was born and raised here.
Pam: Right? You're the one of the few non-transplant.
Carmen: Yeah.
Pam: So did you ever leave?
Carmen: I did so, well, not really. I mean, I, so I left to quote unquote study abroad in Washington, DC when I was a sophomore in college. That was like for three months. And then in law school I got, I applied to law schools and I got an amazing scholarship to a school in Ohio. I went there for one semester because that was definitely one of their like, minority quota meeting because I got there and it was such a culture shock. Like everything there, it's like the Midwest right, is still very much like literally black and white. Segregated. I was like, wait, where're the brown people? I was like, we're the in between. And they don't have that. Like it's nonexistent. And so I was there for about a semester and I was like, get me back home to California. And I decided I was never leaving [laughs]. I was like, I'm never leaving California. So I'm here. And yeah, so the longest I think I've ever outside of California, and again, it was never a permanent, like I never intended to be permanent was probably like three to six months max.
Pam: Wow. Yeah, I went to college in the Midwest and uh, I mean I ran. As soon as I could. My sister lives still in Kansas City and so I'm actually going to Kansas City tomorrow, but, It's different. It's a little bit different now, but like, you know, 15 years ago.
Carmen: Yeah. So when I was in law, wait, when was I in law school? 12, 13 years ago, something like that. And my options were Ohio or Oklahoma.
Pam: Oh my God.
Carmen: Those are the two that gave me like the most money. And so I was like, okay. Which, and then I kept thinking about the Oklahoma bombing, right? I was like, we're not going there. We're going to Ohio. And you know, they had a big, you know, the Ohio State and so I was like, oh, it should be fine, but.
Pam: For sure, I mean, it's a huge culture shock. We're not gonna get into those layers. But yeah, it's, it's fascinat-- Like I now tell people, like, I know "America" like 'Murica, you know, like 'Murica is in the midwest. The coasts have elements of it, but like true 'Murica, go to the Midwest, hang out there for a few hours.
Carmen: Just go when those flyover states. Yeah. Well even if you're in, like, I think I had a layover one time in like, I even Utah, right? I guess. I don't know if that's considered Midwest, but it's one of those flyover states and I got into the airport and I was like, oh, okay. Let me get on my connecting flight. No offense to anybody who lives there because-- [laughs]
Pam: I know, we have listeners everywhere. We love and care about you. We are just, you know, I mean, this is our lived experience. This is, this is what we have experienced. Okay. How did you decide to go to law school?
Carmen: So I had always like considered like, I was like, oh, I'm gonna go work for the FBI, or I'm gonna go work for some like big corporation, like do HR or like be a CEO. Like, I didn't know what that meant. Right. My dad was an entrepreneur. He had a, like, you know, a mechanic, um, autobody and towing shop that he had started in my grandpa's garage. My mom did daycare. So for me, like, I was like, oh, I'm gonna do this big thing and we're gonna go work for this big, you know, company or the government, and it's gonna be amazing. It's gonna be this glamorous life. And so that's how I ended up in DC. I went, I did an internship with the Juvenile Justice center and was going through my classes, fell in love with anthropology and I was a political science minor, but it was all independent study on how I was gonna change policy and I was gonna like change the world. And I was like, how am I gonna do that? Go, you know, go to DC. And then I was coming up to my senior year. And people were like, oh, you know, where are you applying for jobs, internships. And I was like, wait, I'm supposed to do, like, I'm supposed to do that already. Like it was supposed, you know, it was supposedly it was supposed to be done my junior year. And I was like, it's okay. And so it just so happened that the anthropology department at my college had something called Aligned[?] Society Emphasis, and I was like, okay. So I took that thinking like, okay, well I'll just go to law school. Right? No big deal. Yeah. I'll just go to law school. So easy peasy because I didn't, like when I graduated, I was, I had just turned 18, so I, my birthday's in December, so I was always a little bit younger, right? And so entering my senior year, I was 21, right? 20. And I was like, I had just turned 21 and I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Like I'm in a sorority, like I'm partying, getting my grade. Like, I was like, like I'm supposed to figure out where I want, what I wanna do? And so I did the emphasis and we study the legal systems here in the US as compared to tribal systems in New Zealand, right? Very different, like nothing to do with like our actual laws here. And I was like, oh, go to law school. So I applied to law school. That's how I became a lawyer. But I will have to say that when I first went to Ohio, I was like, screw this. I'm going back home. I don't wanna do this. I'm dropping out. I'm gonna just go get my degree in marketing cuz I just loved it. Right. Just the different culture. How do you influence other cultures and things like that. And so I was gonna go get a marketing degree, but I was like, ah. But there was something in me, right, that kept saying, law is your background now. Now is your background. Right? That's where your focus is. And so I was like, okay. So when I came back to California, I reapplied and I went to a smaller school where I was like, I'm never leaving California, so it doesn't matter. I'll go to school at night and I'll work during the day. My first year in law school or my next semester in law school, I was like, I'm done. I'm not doing this. I hate the law because law school's not as easy peasy as undergrad [laughs] like and that was one of the things was that school was always very easy for me, right? Like that was the thing that I was taught. Like just go to school. And so I was like, okay, this comes so easy and naturally I'm doing a great job. Yay. I'm on honor roll. And it was easy. When I got to law school definitely a little bit harder, right? I only took the LSAT one time not knowing, well, even when I took my SATs, like I was, I didn't know that I could get tutors or that people could help me and you know, I could get support. So I just, I did with what I had. I took the LSAT one time and got an so whatever law school I could get into who was gonna cost me money and I was gonna end up in a ton of debt. And so when I came back here, I started thinking like, I hate law school. Like I hated law school. Like hated it with the passion. I tried dropping out again for the second time and then I was just like, well, what am I gonna do at this point? Like part of it was I had already told people I was going to law school, right? My dad was telling everybody that, you know, his daughter was gonna be a lawyer. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna let him down. I would be such a horrible daughter for doing that, you know? So I stayed and I just sucked it up and I was like, all right, we can get, so after the first year, it does get easier. So anyone that is, if you're listening and you're starting law school, you're in law school, it does get better after the first year.
Pam: Push through.
Carmen: Yeah, just pushed through. And so that's how I ended up in law school. You know, it just kind of, I wasn't ready to, I didn't know who I was, what I wanted to do, and I said, okay, why not?
***
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***
Pam: So you hated it the first year, but like as you went through and you were like, okay, I'm gonna suck it up and like finish this. Cause I already started. The pressure of my family. Like now the whole neighborhood knows that I'm gonna be a lawyer, so I might as welllike make it happen.
Carmen: It was on a billboard, everybody. Yeah. So the first time around it was really hard because I went to an ABA school, right. That was like certified throughout the country. Like, you know, I was probably. The only Hispanic, Latina, whatever term we want to use, that was in the class. There was not even like a Latino, like it was just me. I was the one brown girl. There was probably one or two like African Americans, and then maybe one or two Asian people. But one of the girls that I'm still friends with, she was from Sacramento, so from northern, even northern California. So we basically like connected and we were like, what is this? Like new, you know, world we just landed on like we're in a whole new planet. So it was very hard, especially because attorneys in general, people who go to law school have a very certain type of personality. And I never had that. Like, I was just like very carefree, go with the flow. Like I will say though that I, I'm Type A. But it's different [laughs] It's in a different way. Right. And these people had had attorneys in their families. Right. They were like third, fourth, fifth generationgoing into the law. They were going into like work for their family's firms like it was, and I was like, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Like just like a little puppy dog, like trying to figure out life. Right.
Pam: Just trying to make my dad happy.
Carmen: Yeah [laughs] Exactly! So that was the first time. And then the second time when I came back to California and I went to school at night, it was a lot better because I went to like a California accredited school. So California recognized it as a valid law school. It's not recognized nationally because they only have a nighttime program. They don't have a full-time program. But the great thing about when I went to law school here was that it was a lot of like second career. So people were older, they had already navigated like the whole workforce and they're like, oh, I think I wanna like supplement my income. Or it was other people that were like me. And so it was very diverse in age and ethnicity, and so I love the people that I met. I didn't love the school, right? Like the stuff that we were learning, but I love the, I love the people. I had people who, like the English was a second language for them who were like, you know, struggled. People who came from other countries who were attorneys in their countries, but because they came here, they had to like retest and get re-certified. It was people who were probably, I think I might have been the youngest, um, in my class, so who were a few years older, had already been like in the workforce and they just wanted to, you know, get more money and so they were gonna add this on. And so I don't think very many of them even practice law to be honest.
Pam: Wow. Okay, let's take a quick coffee break.
***
Pam: Carmen, do you drink coffee?
Carmen: I do! What I just had at Americano today.
Pam: Nice.
Carmen: Because I'm jet lagged. [laughs]
Pam: Right.
Carmen: I'm jet lagged and we, so we just got back Monday night and then my daughter's first day of school was yesterday. But I do drink coffee. I love the flavored coffees better cuz I feel like I can drink it black.
Pam: I drink my coffee black.
Carmen: Yeah. In Italy they had like a little, I don't know what they call it here. So my daughter's father's Puerto Rican and they used it, but it's like, I don't even know if it's espresso. But you like--
Pam: The greca?
Carmen: Yeah, I love it. And it's like the whole process, right? But it's like now that I'm back home, I'm like, hurry up, do the Keurig. Like it's not as fun. Right. I love, I think that's what I love about being in Italy was just the, in Europe in general, this little slower and they're like, let's just love, enjoy our day. Ease into it. And here it's at [inaudible] go. We have timelines.
Pam: Yes. Yes. What's Chronemics. It's all, Chronemics is the study of time and communication. And so Chronemics studies, polychronic cultures and monochronic cultures. And it's simply how cultures communicate using time, because I'm sure you've heard like Mexican time or people of color time or whatever. Well, it's because of Chronemics. So what Chronemics says that typically Nordic cultures, so the United States or like from a geographical standpoint is the places that are above the equator. Not always, but sometimes. So the US, like Russia, Germany, China, Japan, those are monochromic. And The Caribbean, Latin America, Africa, the Mediterranean, they're polychromic. And so what happens with Monochromes, monochromic cultures is that they value time within the time, so they value relationships within the time. Polychromic cultures on the other end, value relationships expanded in time. And so what happens when you go to a polychromic country now is that because they value time, they expand into time, things feel slowerbecause there isn't a rush to get it done. Whereas in the US it's a very monochromic culture. I mean, even I, I was like, I have a hard stop at like, you know, we just gotta get things going. And when you travel, like I noticed, like the moment I cross the border, it's like huh, okay, let's go eat. Let's sit there for three hours. There's no rush in life because there's a different way of communicating within time. That's Chronemics. So it's fascinating when dealing with people.
Carmen: Fascinating.
Pam: Fascinating when dealing with meetings. Yeah. I notice when I meet with a white person, for example, who's very monochrone, just by cultural standards, versus like a black person or a brown person or a south asian person. You know, it's like the dynamics of how time is handled is different. I notice it a lot with how people arrive into meetings. So if I get the notification of like, so and so is already waiting, and I'm like, I have three minutes, you know. Versus other people that are like, you know, 1203 and they're like, Hi, no problem. So it's that, that way of communicating within time. Anyway, I digress. But that's Chronemics.
Carmen: Fascinating. I love it. I'm gonna go and and do some more research because the anthropologist in me is like, cool.
Pam: Wants to learn.
Carmen: I know [laughs]
Pam: It blew my mind when I first learned about it and then I went and looked and looked and there isn't it that much information about it. If you find something do send it my way cause I'm so fascinated with Chronemics.
Carmen: I'll send it and you're like, I already read that. [laughs]
Pam: I mean, probably not. I dunno. Well, that, that will be our bonding moments. About Chronemics. One thing that I wanted to tell you, because you're jet lagged. I dunno if it works. I've never been so jet lagged. One of my teachers says to put patchouli essential oil in the perineum to combat jet lag. She's a Chinese medicine doctor, so you know, they know the points.
Carmen: Absolutely. Yeah. So it's funny because my brain, I feel like just in our society or is everywhere, and I was like, do I have a ADHD? Like do I have ADD? Like, just because, well, and so my brothers both do. My mom and dad were never like diagnosed and I was like, I don't know if I do. But you know, part of me is like, well, do I wanna take medication? I was like, well, why don't I try some alternatives to see if it helps in terms of like, you know, and so I was just thinking I need to go find like a Chinese like herbalist. You know, some eastern medicine or alternatives to figure out how to help me get centered. My therapist says I just need to do more meditation and my response is, I don't have time for that.
Pam: Right, right. Yeah. And my meditation teacher would say that you meditate for two hours.
Carmen: For longer. Right? Yeah.
Pam: Yeah. Well, the thing with ADHD is that women are typically undiagnosed and they go years and years undiagnosed because ADHD is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. And so because men are studied more, they're easier bodies to study from a biology standpoint, like their cycle is very simple, versus women who cycled for 30 days, you know? And so depending on where you grab, if you're gonna study, um, human with a womb, with a uterus, it's very different from a man. And so for a long time, women would go undiagnosed because the profile is not hyperactive. And so girls present ADHD in such different ways. So like ADHD women typically go inward and then like you spiral in your head. Whereas men go like outward, like that's where the hyper activity comes when they just like, they run because they need to release the energy. Like we don't have that to testosterone that requires like actual like force and because we just go in our heads and like, you know, there's like thousands of squirrels that we can like entertain at the same time. And so for that reason that a lot of times women go undiagnosed.
Carmen: You know what's so funny is that you say that, so today I was talking to my business mentor and she was like, you have way too much free time. And I was like, excuse me? She was like, you're doing too much thinking like you're going too like she's like all of these stories and things that you're creating, like your. I was like, oh. And she was like, you need to like stop. Like you need to like get out of it. And I was like, but it's a whole, like these whole conversations that I have like in my head and then all of a sudden, like I just used something and I'm like, and they're like, people are like, where did that even come from? And I'm like, oh, I had a whole convers-- Like I, the whole thing in my head happen.
Pam: It's a thing.
Carmen: And I realized that I didn't vocalizeany of it.
Pam: Yeah.
Carmen: And so that's very fascinating. But you know, either way.
Pam: It's a superpower.
Carmen: I think it really is like it got me this far.
Pam: For sure. Microdosing is what helps me. It's mushrooms.
Carmen: Okay.
Pam: You know, since you're looking for the alternatives to help you focus. And I tap, so I'm an EFT practitioner. I dunno if you've seen me tap. So that, that's what helped me, my ADHD.
Carmen: And so that's the funny thing is like I'm very drawn to tapping and I'm like, I really want to tap, and I've done like YouTube videos for like anxiety, but I don't have time. Well, one, and this may be the type A in me, overachiever, right? Like I'm a three on the Enneagram [inaudible] -achiver. That I don't wanna be brand new at something. Like, I don't want to not be good at it. And so for me it's like I feel awkward, you know? It's like doing like the, and I'm like, I, this just feels weird. Like, I don't knowwhat I'm doing. And so.
Pam: And tapping is weird. Tapping is weird. I, I ev, anytime I talk about tapping, I'm like, it's this really weird tool that helps us a ton with our nervous system. And fun fact, we tap naturally all the time. Like, we just don't realize it because it's, it's a form of self-soothing, like what you're doing right now that's tapping with your finger.
Carmen: Yeah. [laughs]
Pam: Because there's a point right here and that like helps a lot. This is a connector that grounds you. Humans naturally tap all the time. We just don't realize it and don't associate it with like, oh, I'm tapping to self-sooth my nervous system because we just naturally do it. Kids do it all the time. They tap their bodies all the time. It's because they're self soothing their nervous system. Tantrums is self soothing their nervous system, they're releasing that energy that's been built up. Just like when animals like shake afterwards. You know, have you ever seen a dog get up from a couch? They just like, that's them releasing whatever energy doesn't serve them anymore. They just let it go like very quickly.
Carmen: Oh, that's fascinating.
Pam: We are conditioned to use our heads us like storage units, when in reality they are made to think, not to store. You know, that's where the overwhelm comes. That's where like the distractions because you're trying to hold too much.
Carmen: Oh, okay. Fine. I needed more tapping. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, okay, I need to do more tapping. Well, and it's funny because I'm more drawn totapping than I am like meditation, right? And I think part of it's the tapping is the doing right? Is that I'm, I feel like I'm doing something that also feels.
Pam: For sure. Well, especially if we're like running minds, you know, if, if you're too much in your head, meditation is hard.
Carmen: I'm like, all these things happen. I'm like, I need to get a notebook and writeeverything down. [laughs]
Pam: Right. For sure. Like, oh, grocery store. And then now meditation teachers will come in and say, well, all you have to do is focus on the breath. But what happens to a mind that's constantly working? Focusing on the breath is one of the many things that you're focusing on. And so, sure, I'll focus on my breath, but I'm also gonna focus on like the things that I'm gonna feed my dog tomorrow and like the errand that I have to run later. That's why it's harder for certain humans than others. We're still in the coffee break, so this is a very ADHD moment. [laughs] Let's back to the show.
***
Pam: Okay Carmen, so how did you end up where you ended, where you are?
Carmen: Oh, that's such a great question. So it's funny, right, because now when I look at like my money stories, right? Or my parents like finances and things like that. So estate planning is basically preparing your documents, your legal documents, for when you die. Right? So that your family can have your assets, they can make decisions for you. You don't have to deal with the court process. And so I got into estate planning, just kind of, not by accident, but by accident, right? Like I initially thought I was gonna go into divorce and custody, and part of it was because I worked for a nonprofit while I was in law school where we helped, well, they weren't even low income, right? But these were moms, women who came from wealthy families, but their husbands were the breadwinners. They had no control over the assets and they froze bank accounts. And so they came because they're like, I literally have no money.
Pam: Oh my god.
Carmen: And I need help. You know, my husband's filing for divorce, like, and I have kids and I don't know what to do because I decided to stay home.
Pam: Wow.
Carmen: Yeah. It was really great because I felt like I was helping these women like become empowered. We would get like alimony, right? There were restraining orders because there was financial abuse, you know, all kinds of abuse happening. And so I was like, I'm gonna go into family law and I'm gonna do this for private parties. Little did I realize, right? People who don't have money are very different from people who have a lot of money and they can fight over the pots and pans and the sofa. So when I was waiting for bar results, my grandmother on my mom's side passed away and she had one house and she had like DIY her estate plan, right? Like I didn't really know what the estate plan was until I was in law school. So I just knew that she had to have these documents in place and I was working with an attorney who did estate planning. So what happens is when you have a trust and a will, right, in order to stay out of probate, you actually have to put the assets into the trust. Well, my grandmother had created it based on what she found online, but she never actually put the, her assets into the trust. And so there's a whole process through the courts where you can get them to basically transfer everything, um, without having to go through the full probate process. And so the attorney that I was working with said, Hey, if you do all the work, I will mentor you through this process. Your family will just pay the legal fees. Like I won't charge you attorney's fees to mentor you. And so I said, okay, like, great. It'll save us a ton, right? We pay the $500 court fee, but that was it. I basically did the work for free. And so we got through that but my mom was named as the trustee, so she was in charge of my grandma's estate. And I just was watching her trying to navigate the legal system like, and I thought about all the people who would have to navigate it without having someone who just went through law school, right? And so I was like, this is like we have to help. Like this is how I was going to change the world, right? Like how I was gonna create an impact. And it's funny because even now people say, you know, oh, if you could do what you're doing for free, right? Like then you never feel like you're working. And I literally would do what I like, what I'm doing for free, like the amount of education and teaching that I get to do and like, Just informing people and how they can keep their assets and they can empower themselves and their families is just so like amazing to me. And so that's how it happened, right? Like my grandmother passed away and I helped my mom and I said, this is what I'm gonna get into. And so I was like, well, I'll do a state planning and family law. Cause I really wanted to still help women. So basically I passed the bar exam and started my own practice right out of law school. I was like, I'm not gonna go work for anyone because I would suck as an employee, like. So I navigated, you know, starting my own business. And I had, you know, an attorney who was a great mentor that taught me what I needed for the estate planning and decided that family law was not for me because I felt like I was tearing families apart. Especially because when you are in private practice and both sides have money, they're just like, basically like, I'm gonna make your life miserable. Versus like us genuinely helping someone who didn't have the money and through the pro bono services. So I got into estate planning and the more and more that I went into it, I was just fascinated by the lack of information and knowledge in amongst like the Spanish speaking communities or minority communities, right? They just, this is what, you know, white like Anglo men have been doing for thousands of years and how their families don't have to like start all over. Right? And so now my goal is to help more and more families keep the houses and the properties and the money so that they can pass it on to the next generation. So we're not starting from scratch every single generation that that comes along.
Pam: And it happens often so many times. I mean, I've seen it, I've heard about it. For those people who are like, wait, what just happened? What's the difference between a will and a trust and the estate? Like all of those words?
Carmen: Yeah. Okay. Basically, I like to explain the court or the states give you three options when you die. The first one is for you to say, Hey, we'll go with the default state plan, right? So the state says, your Estate has to go through probate everything. You own your family. You have to go through this whole probate process, which is like about a year, right? In California, we're about a year minimum, and it's 5% of the fair market value, and it's just gonna go to your next of kin. So that's the default plan. The second one is a will. So if you have a will and you're like, I created a will, this is all I need, it still has to go through the probate process. But the difference is you get to give instructions to the judge. So instead of say if I die and I didn't have anything in place, you go through the probate process, it would go to my next of kin. So my parents, my brothers, well actually my daughter, right? My daughter first, but it would be blood relatives. I'm not married, but I have a significant other and we have assets together, so he would get nothing because we're not married and he's not my blood relative.
Pam: Dang.
Carmen: Yeah. Like, sorry.
Pam: Oh my God.
Carmen: But if I had a will, I could say, okay, 50% goes to my daughter, 50% goes to him, even though we're not married. But I get to say where it goes, but it still has to go through the whole probate process. The same cost, 5% minimum a year to get everything done. The third option, which is my favorite and the most amazing, and I love to do so, you don't have to deal with probate and the headache of courts is a trust. So Living trust allows you to say, Hey, everything I own is gonna go into this treasure box. I'm gonna hold the key, and then when I die, I'm gonna pick who I pass the key onto and they're gonna be in charge. So it stays in this little treasure box that the state can't get to. And so as long as everything is properly titled, so that was the part that my grandma had, she had the, the treasure box. But never put anything in it. She kept her house outside of it.
Pam: Oh my gosh.
Carmen: And so properly funding it, which is something I always make sure my clients do because I've gone through it, is taking the house and then putting it inside, or the bank accounts inside the treasure box so that it's protected. And that's the way that you stay out of probate court. It's private. You never have to deal with, dealing with the court system unless people decide to fight. Right? But you've done your part to keep it out of court, to make it easier. You've already made all the decisions that you wanna make. You know, your kids, your siblings, like, they don't have to figure out, well, what would they have wanted? Any of that, right? Like we, we figure all of that out ahead of time. So now the estate plan, so I know I use estate planning is the overarching, right? So it's this big umbrella that encompasses a will, a trust, dvanced healthcare directive, so someone who can make medical decisions for you if you're in a car accident, if you're incapacitated, you have dementia, appointing someone ahead of time. And then the other one is a financial power of attorney, so who will manage your finances so that all aspects are covered. We like to cover all of our bases to make sure that your family doesn't end up in court. A lot of times people say, oh, I'll just get a trust, or, oh, I'll get a will, and they won't get the incapacitation documents. But actually that sometimes is worse because say I'm in a car accident, my parents are there, my significant other is there, my brother's there, and they can't agree on what procedures to take. Nobody has the authority to do it. So my, the doctor won't say, oh, your parents get to make the decision, or your, you know, your life partner gets to make the decision or your brother. The doctor says, go to court and get a court order to tell me who I need to listen to and which means that there's, um, a case, Terry Schiavo, I'm not sure if you're familiar with her. I think she was in Florida, her parents and her husband were fighting over whether or not to keep her on life support. So there was a whole court process. And I don't even know why it was so it was on the media, or maybe I just learned it in law school. And so, this is the one I referred to, but it was a big deal because she basically had to stay on life support until the judge could, would decide. And then this is a whole trial, right? People have to present their case. They bring in, yeah. It becomes a big thing. And so it's like, do the things now just in case.
Pam: What happened to her though?
Carmen: Well, she was on life support and then I believe the husband was able to decide, you know, to pull the plug. Yeah.
Pam: Wow.
Carmen: It's one of those things that sometimes people are like, oh, well, I'm married, so it doesn't matter. Not if your parents come in. If I'm married and my husband's like, oh, take her off, and my parents are like, no, no, no, keep her on for as long as you can, the doctor's gonna send them to court and say, let the judge figure it out, and then let me know what I'm supposed to do. So making sure you have all those documents when you have the capacity. And nobody wants to think about dying. Right. But it is what it is and it'll happen. And it could happen at any time. Like there's no timeline. We don't have a a date, so.
Pam: So who's ready for each one? So let's see, the will, the trust and the estate plan. So who's ready for each one? Or is it all of the above? Like do you need to have, you know, like maybe assets, like do, if you have a house, get like do a trust. Like if you just have a car then do a will.
Carmen: Yeah. So if you're over the age of 18 and living and breathing the minimum, we call them, our essentials is a will, a power of attorney and a healthcare director. Now, if you're living and breathing and your assets are over, say like a 100,000 dollars, one, if you have children or if you own a house or any like big, big assets, right? Then you also wanna add in a trust. Because the trust is what keeps you out of probate. If you're under around like the hundred thousand dollars. And it does vary by state, right? I have to put that disclaimer in. Like in California it's 188,000. So if you're under 188,000, then you don't need a trust. You can just do a will. And, but even then, right, like. Part of it is with the trust you can designate if you have children, like if you have minors like two or three years old, do you want them getting like $200,000 when they, you know, and it'll grow and whatever. But with the trust, you can decide how old they, and this is how we get the term trust fund babies. Is that you get to decide at what age they get their money, if they get distributions, and they only get certain distributions for a certain amount of time until you know they pass away and then it goes to your grandkids. So with the trust, you have so much flexibility and power over what happens with those assets.
Pam: And the estate plan.
Carmen: And the estate plan is basically everything. So an estate plan is for those people who are over the age of 18, have over a hundred thousand dollars in assets, or they have a kids. A state plan is like all of the documents, which is our comprehensive plan, which is always super important and I recommend it, but if your assets are under a hundred thousand or you don't have children, then you're good with just the essentials, which is the will healthcare directive and power attorney. Typically Right. Disclaimer, right?
Pam: Yes. This is, this is an overview everyone. Case by case. Case by case. But it, I think it's important because like the conversation of ha, like the trust and the will, it's like, first of all, death is so stigmatized in our communities. And it's fascinating because por ejemplo, in Mexico, you know, we have the Día de Muertosand all the things, and at the same time it's like, but we don't talk about it. And then the other thing is maybe the belief, and maybe this is confirmation bias of like only people with money have a trust or an estate plan. And maybe this informs my question of like, what do you need to have in order for you to seek those things? And you're like, no, whatever. A life.
Carmen: Yeah. You have to be alive in breathing. Two, the biggest misconceptions is that you have to be old, right, to do this. Or you have to have a lot of money. And I say, you don't have to be The Bridgertons, you don't have to have an estate. Right. Because you think estate like, oh, you have to have lot money. And a lot of times, even people here, right, like in Silicon Valley we have these like viejitos that come in and they're like, oh nomás tengo mi casa, and it's just, it's not worth a lot. And I'm like, dude, your house is worth like 2 million dollars, like.
Pam: Right.
Carmen: That's a lot of money.
Pam: Probably not when you bought it.
Carmen: Yeah. And it's like, you know, maybe like 20 years ago when you purchased it and it was like $60,000, like it didn't feel like a lot, but it's worth 2 million dollars. Like you will go through probate. And so explaining that, and now it's like just educating the community on how important it is. It's just so. Yeah.
Pam: For sure. For sure. 100%. So tell us, where can people find you?
Carmen: Carmen Rosas Law on Instagram and Facebook. Instagram, my more personal one where you get to like hang out with me more is IamCarmenRosas and my website is Your Legacy Protection Firm. So we do all of it where we love to say we help protect businesses and babies. And yeah, LinkedIn. But if you Google me, Carmen Rosas Attorney, California, I'm the only one. So you'll find me.
Pam: And for estate planning, do you need to be like, does the attorney need to be licensed in the state that you're state planning?
Carmen: Yeah, so for estate planning, it's very state specific. So if you are in a different state, you're not in California, you can still message us. We have a network of attorneys that we like to refer, especially if they're Spanish speaking. And so we like to connect with our, you know, other quote unquote minority attorneys. Because fun fact is Latinas make up only 2% of the entire attorney population.
Pam: Wow.
Carmen: Yeah. So I'm one of 2% in the entire nation.
Pam: Well, let's get into law school listeners.
Carmen: Yes. That is one of my goals is to get more Latinas into law school and into estate planning, because I have clients all the way north, all the way to almost to like border to border of California because I'm one of like very few attorneys that speak Spanish.
Pam: For sure.
Carmen: Yes. So, so many clients are just comfortable working with me just because they speak Spanish or because of my name.
Pam: What happens when they, when there's properties in Mexico or like in whatever their country of origin?
Carmen: Yeah. So jurisdiction is only within the US, right? So no matter what state you live in, it only covers the US properties. But for example, in Mexico, if you have property, it's all based on Mexican law. And so there you would need a testamento, which is equivalent to a will here to say who's gonna take what. But yeah, so you have to then create your own, and it's funny because we're in the process, well, not funny, but it's great that we're in the process of working with some Mexican attorneys so that we can facilitate that so that people get all of their stuff covered in one, one shot.
Pam: Si, porque like I know lots of people go and build and, and then what happens? Like I saw a TikTok the other day and this one woman was like, I'm FaceTiming my siblings, the terreno or something that split my family or something like that, you know?
Carmen: And it's one of those things. Well, and then I, I was like, and in Mexico it's so different with just like notarios right? Because a notario público there can be an attorney and can create legal documents. Here it's not, and so by law you're not allowed to say you're a notario here. Like that's just because all the confusion that it causes. So you can be a notary public, but it's not the same as a notario público in Mexico.
Pam: Wow.
Carmen: Cause a notary here cannot draft legal documents. Yeah. So within estate planning and immigration, there's been lots of issues, especially, you know, here in this area.
Pam: Fascinating. Okay, last two questions. What's your remedio?
Carmen: It's funny cuz I was thinking, right? And I was like, oh, what do we do? What do we do? And I was like, well one thing that we do is we pray to Saint Anthony. If we lose something, like we'll go Anthony, Anthony, look around. Something's lost and can't be found. And so like sometimes it just like will magically appear.
Pam: Oh my god. I love that.
Carmen: So, you know, I went to catholic school for my whole life. And so I'm not like a practicing Catholic, but I was raised Catholic. Right. And so that's one of the things that's still, I'm like, I can't find my keys, Anthony. Anthony, look around. Something's lost and can't be found. And then it'll, and I don't know if it's like a way for us just to distract us from like overthinking, or you know, to, you know, cause it's like, oh, of course I'm gonna find it when I don't need it anymore.
Pam: For sure. I believe it. I believe it. I think you're you're calling it in. You're calling it in.
Carmen: Yeah.
Pam: And do you have a quote or mantra that you live by?
Carmen: Yeah, so one of my favorite quotes is, and I'm gonna probably butcher it, but you'll get the idea, and I think it's only half of a quote. It's something like, well, what if I fall? And it's like, well darling, what if you fly? Right? So it's always like, just take the leap. Like just do it. And you have no way to con-- it's part of it is just like realizing that the power's not really in our hands, right? It is, but it's not, if you never actually get going or take the first step, then you'll never know which way to fall. And I like to say that our plans, right, can be kind of washed away, God source, univer--, like whatever we want to create or whatever we want to use, that plan is always bigger than what we have in mind, right? And so if we think that we're failing, it's still also an opportunity to learn or grow. And so you'll never know if you don't take the first step or jump.
Pam: Yes. Yes. I'd love that. Carmen, thank you so much for being at Café con Pam. This was great. You gave us a whole lesson on estate planning.
Carmen: Thank you. And if anybody has questions, you can call me, Google. I know it was like a lot and it's not exciting, right? Nobody wants to talk about death, but it is what it is and you know, they say the two things in life that are sure are death and taxes, so.
Pam: For sure, for sure. Absolutely. If you're in California, reach out to Carmen, and if not, reach out to Carmen and she'll send you to a preferred attorney in your state. Thank you. Thank you for this and your work. Yeah.
Carmen: Stay shining!
***
Okay, listeners, that was Carmen. What do you think? I'm definitely taking action into writing at least a will. You know, I was talking to my sister about it because dealing with this recent death in my family, we are much more aware of the intricacies and details that come after someone dies, and especially when you don't have a will, at least because it's a lot. And one thing that we found out is that if you don't have a beneficiary at your bank and you die, the money becomes the bank's money, and so at least do that. Add a beneficiary to your bank if you don't have anyone that you trust with the money that you have, find a nonprofit or something. I don't know, but I just, I think about the amount of money that banks have acquired just from people dying and not taking care of their will. When we found this out, I was like, this is so, it's-- It's not right. It's not right. But that's how the law's written. And so what can we do? We'll least write a will. And then on the other hand, I mean, of course I have death very close to me at this moment. And so I'm in this space of like, we can die at any moment and there is gonna be people that are going to be left behind, and why not make it easier for them by taking care of all the things that you need to take care of. And if you live until 200 years old, great, great. You still took care of what you needed to take care of. So it's almost like brushing your teeth. You don't start brushing your teeth when you get cavities. You brush your teeth so you don't get cavities, so you don't have to go to the dentist. You avoid all of that for your family. I know talking about death is not something that we do. It's not something that is super open and wide as a conversation, y bueno, I invite you to look into it. Let me know if you would like to maybe, I don't know, could we bring Carmen to a workshop? We can explore possibilities, everyone. Maybe we can do a live Q&A on Instagram where she can come and answer more questions if you might not be ready to reach out to her firm. And the other thing is that, you know, she mentioned will, estate and trust, and also that conversation is not one that we talk about often because based on society's signals, a trust is for someone who has a ton of money. It doesn't mean that we don't need to know about it or how it works or make sure that our assets are taken care of, because if we think about it, our parents, grandparents, ourselves, are acquiring assets. The more that we're able to work here, the more that we set down roots, and so let's protect those. We are now investing a lot more in real estate, in the stock market, in art and NFTs, and so how do we continue to elevate our wealth by protecting it so it doesn't go to the bank everyone.
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Y bueno, listeners, ya me voy. I really hope you have a fantastic rest of your day. Thank you so much for allowing me to be on your ears for the last hour or so that we were here. I so appreciate you. Thank you so, so much. Y como siempre, stay shining!